The minute my fiance, now my husband, slipped the wedding ring on my finger, the questions from friends, family and near strangers went from “When are you getting married?” to “When are you having kids?”
My husband and I have been married just over two years, and we’re enjoying our lives, keeping busy with our flourishing careers. When we see friends or family, though, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend.
“So...” they begin, glancing down at my midriff.
“That’s just fat,” I tell them immediately, and at their blank stares, continue, “I like bacon.”
Which is absolutely true. Who doesn’t love bacon?
I’ve learned to brush off most of the questions and looks. I even use the Twitter hashtag #notpregnant because as soon as I mention food cravings, nausea, stomachaches, fatigue or anything that might suggest I’m in the family way, speculation ensues.
I get it. Pseudo-relatives, rarely seen acquaintances and people I don’t know intimately gravitate toward life milestones in conversation. “How was your vacation?” “How’s your cat?” and “How’s the house?” are typical. Likely, you’ve heard these questions at different stages of your life:
“Which college program are you in?”
“When are you getting married?”
“When are you having kids?”
Well, I’m not deigning to answer that question here. Suffice to say, #notpregnant exists for a reason.
To prevent future awkwardness regarding my inexplicable weight gain and/or reproductive capabilities, here are some better topics of conversation you won’t be able to shut me up about:
I will also accept any conversation that is simply a back-and-forth Q & A where every question begins with “Have you seen/read...[insert a movie, internet meme, YouTube video or book].”
Tired of being interrogated about something personal? Do you have topics you’d rather not have people poke you about? If you could wear a sign that said “Talk to me about...” at a cocktail party, what would your list include? Let me know in the comments below!