I spent the past weekend with a couple of women I hadn't seen in seven years and with one sister who I see regularly.
I love all of them dearly and it's a shame we don't see each other more often. In her Christmas card, one of the women mentioned that we should get together sometime and that her house was available. Since we have to drive from different home towns to meet, it meant sleepovers rather than just meeting for dinner.
That 'sometime' worried me because life can get in the way of 'sometime' with a vengeance and wreak havoc with good intentions. In the spring, when the weather would finally be reliable enough for a road trip (even a short road trip can be screwed up when you live with snowy winters), I sent an email to everyone asking, "Can we make a point of doing this and arrange it for this summer? Is anyone interested in making this happen?" The immediate, overwhelming response was yes!
So...it had been seven years. It might as well have been yesterday. We picked up where we left off, the friendships and the shared memories an unbreakable bond. We laughed over old stories, but also shared plenty of new stories. In fact, we laughed more all weekend than I have in a long, long time.
All four of us are growing older and showing our ages and yet, we are all so intrinsically ourselves, that when I see these women, I don't see wrinkles and weight gain and looming health issues. I quite simply see my friends.
What is it that makes certain relationships endure while others fall by the wayside without regret? Why is it that we see some people occasionally at weddings or funerals and are glad to have seen them and touched bases, but don't make the effort to see them more often?
Why does depth of affection happen with some people but not with others?
I think, for me, it might come down to one word. Trust.
I trust these women to have my back. I trust that if I ever needed support, these women would give it. I trust them to never hurt me or talk about me behind my back. I trust them to see who I really am and not turn away because of my flaws. I note their flaws and still love them anyway.
We won't leave the next visit for so long. There were things going on for a couple of us that were huge, life-altering occurrences. We are all living stable lives now. We will make it happen at least annually now.
What is it that you appreciate about friendships that have stood the test of time and endured? Why do you think they have endured? What is it that matters to you in a lasting friendship?
11 comments:
wow, what a great reunion! Several yrs ago I met up with a friend I hadn't see in over 20 yrs. Now we try to get together once every year or two (lots of miles and airplane rides involved!). This past week I went to 2 funerals and met friends that I hadn't see in years. They all have grandchildren now! We were good friends in high school, but the years (40 next yr)since graduation took us in totally different directions. You lose track of friends, you gain new ones. But it is good to know that when you do see some of your old friends you haven't forgotten the good times you had together. The same thing happens with family! We grew up with a lot of our cousins and now I only seem to see them at weddings, funerals and sometimes high school graduation parties, sadly most of the time it's at funerals. It's good to touch base and catch up on news and I know they'd still have my back, but we all went in different directions in our adulthood and never seem to have time to just get together and "play" like we used too. I think a lot of it is we gain new responsibilities that take a lot of our time. The trust is still there though and it's easy to pick up where we left off even if we left it 20 + yrs ago! I often think that if I had more time and money, I would have parties and reunions where people could just have fun without the funeral sadness.
Snookie, I'm so in agreement with you about parties and reunions without the funereal sadness. I find that as I age, I try to plan more get togethers with friends. You just never know when one of them might be gone.
How great that you are back in contact with a friend you hadn't seen in 20 years! Lovely.
Sounds like a lovely weekend. I don't keep in touch with high school friends. We all moved on in different directions. My high school BF is now a hollywood producer in LA.
"My high school BF is now a hollywood producer in LA."
Wow, Linda, isn't great to hear of old friends who've achieved the success they wanted in life?
I have a group of women friends - all writers! - whom I feel the same way; they've got my back. Most of us get together at least once a year for a "working" weekend, which involves a lot of food, wine and laughter. We've 'grown up' together in the writing profession. I think having a shared past and a common interest binds us together.
Kate, how wonderful that you can meet regularly for a working weekend that is also so full of laughter and camaraderie!
i think a good friend is they who are always there for us when we need or not, we sad or happy, good or sick, in every time and every where. as people said there is ex-husband, ex-wife, ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend but no ex-friend :)
and i still keep in touch my high school friends and college friends :), chatting, go hang out :)
and now i got so many wonderful friend from fb, love it
I am so bad at catching up with friends and extended family. When the parents and aunts and uncles were alive, we used to plan parties for them. Now we only have one aunt left on my husband's side. Her ten kids organized a 90th birthday party for her. It was so wonderful to see some of the extended family on a happy occasion. A week later we attended a funeral for another of my husband's aunts on the opposite side of the family.
I have some really good friends that I connect with almost instantly whenever we are lucky enough to get together.
I need to add that I think it's wonderful that you got to see your friends. I hope you do get to meet again next year and the year after and on and on.
Eli, I agree. Good friends are there whether we need them or not, always ready and waiting to give and to help.
Kaelee, it's really difficult to connect with friends and family as often as we'd like. Everyone I know leads a busy life. My friends and I were so fortunate that, on this past weekend, we were all available! We thought we would have to wait months to get together.
How great that you had that happy occasion of an aunt's birthday party before having to attend a funeral.
Post a Comment