So the other day something interesting popped up on MSN Sports homepage that I HAD to click - an article about athletes who are virgins. That's screaming for a link click, right? Tebow and LoLo Jones were the subject. Seems LoLo had professed to being a virgin and there was speculation about her dating the other "Virgin of the Gridiron" Tim Tebow. I'm guessing the general public (or talk show hosts) thought the blind should lead the blind...or is that the virgin should lead the virgin?
Well, anyhow, this caught my attention because my upcoming July release Under the Autumn Sky is both about a football coach and a virgin. I will admit to being a Tebow fan. Love a young man with conviction who can barrel into the endzone and do circumcisions on third world babies, so it was easy for me to explore the idea of Tebow and a virgin Olympian...even though it's none of my business who Tebow and LoLo date or when they decide to forego their status as virgins.
So, anyway, I wrote a virgin book, and it's mainly the fault of someone on some blog talking about how there aren't any twenty-something virgins anymore and that if a gal had reached the ripe ol' age of former spinsterhood (like 25, I guess?) she was a major loser and the book couldn't be legit. Well, that sort of made me mad because who says there aren't any twenty-something virgins? Or thirty-something? Or even older? Is there some unwritten rule that declares a girl must have sex when she's nineteen to be normal? Hmmm...must have missed that. So anytime someone says you shouldn't write something in a book, I immediately think of a good reason why I should. So I knew I had to write a virgin.
She's atypical because she's a heavy equipment operator. And she's a virgin because a.) she hasn't found the right guy and b.) she's the guardian for her brother and sister, aka, a single mother. So for Lou, it becomes practical to put her life on hold while she raises her younger siblings. Lou feels like she's hit the pause button on her life and if she can get Waylon and Lori out of high school and into college, she'll be able to resume the life she had before her parents crashed their plane into the Ouachita forest. She doesn't really want to be a virgin...she just is.
And I think it's a fair portrayal. I don't like the idea that a life is unfulfilled if a gal isn't getting any. But that's the way popular society portrays older virgins. What's wrong with seeing sex as something intimal, personal and, okay, special? Shouldn't that absolute shedding of all reserves be somewhat sacred? I'd kind of like to think so. The romantic inside me insists that lovemaking be something more profound than a backseat groping, struggling, not so comfortable endeavor? I mean, backseat is fine, but the idea of shedding the "V" card just to shed it seems...stupid. Giving up a gal's virginity shouldn't be a capricoius undertaking. It shouldn't be given up to Christopher Whatzisname while buzzed on wine coolers on the back of a rusted out tailgate just so you can get it over with. Am I right? So, rock on, older virgins! Good for you for holding out for someone special. For something more profound than, "Oh, snap! The condom broke...and by the way, what's your name again?"
Oh, and just in case you were wondering, Lou does lose her virginitiy...I just don't know when. I figure it isn't my business. I gave her a special guy who loves her more than himself, so it's up to her to figure the logistics out. So, no "V" card claimed in this book which is a little different. But I like different.
So what do you think about virgins in romance books? Is that so twenty years ago and thus unbelievable? Do virgins make good heroines?
36 comments:
I don't think it's unbelievable at all, but that might be my age showing.
Oh, good. A vote in my favor :)
I worried about readers dinging it for being unrealistic, but isn't real life often unbelievable? And I don't really think there are lots of 27 year old virgins, but there are some.
Thanks, Marybelle (I've typed that name so much for the online read, it rolls off my fingers :))
I'm with Marybelle - as long as it's written in a way that makes you believe and not 'yeah right' (in a snide way), then I'm all for it.
I must admit I feel trepidation when I learn the heroine is a virgin because of the stigma you mentioned - it should be gone by the time you're 20 - even tho I know of someone who held on to the V card until the right someone came along so you'd think I wouldn't feel that way. Then again, if I read a book that made it not seem real, that could sway my mind.
Kind of like when I didn't like books about twins until I read Karina's Stand-in Wife. The way she wrote twins changed my mind.
So I bet the way you write a virgin will change my mind too.
MarcieR
Liz, I *love* that your heroine is a heavy equipment operator! And an older virgin doesn't bother me at all--in fact it ups the emotion factor for me, because I know there's a promise of extra-profound love and intimacy between the hero and heroine. It makes it that much more special when the heroine finds the man she wants to share that gift with. Now I *really* can't wait to read "Under the Autumn Sky!" And I also now know that you can't resist a double dog dare. Could make the RWA conference extra interesting. :-)
I have a friend who was a virgin until she was almost 30 due to believable circumstances--she won't be reading this blog, so she won't know I blabbed. She subsequently found romance and love. Any state of sexuality that is thoroughly and sympathetically motivated works for me.
Fun and thoughtful, Liz. Thanks!
I don't have any problems with older virgins, men or women. I don't have problems with non-virgins either. But I really don't understand why people feel they have to "rid" themselves of their virginity. And I don't think there is something wrong if you're a virgin at 30 or older! I totally understand the "waiting for the right person" reason.
My wip has a virgin heroine, Liz. She's 23. She made choices as a teenager and continues to stick by them. I can't see her any other way. Of course, as you said, the hero has to be very special.
I hope i nail it, Marcie. It really made sense to me and it was all in context, but we shall see :)
Thanks for the comment.
Oh, no! I gave one of my secrets away. Kathy - you so cannot use that against me. Especially if I meet you at the bar. LOL.
Heavens, there could be trouble in Anaheim.
All the things Lou are is a result of a tragedy in her life. Nothing more. She never wanted to be a heavy equipment operator, but that job supports a family better than, say, a waitress. And I think she'd have already ceased being a virgin if she'd been a somewhat normal twenty-something. But she's not. So, nothing contrived in her job or status. I like that about her :)
Good to know, Mary, and I don't think there's shame in waiting until the time is right. I feel like our society rushes everything. I look at the clothes for my seven year old neice and cringe. How short can those shorts get? She'd need a bikini wax if she, you know, had anything to wax.
Love that story. And, shh! I won't tell.
Well said, Snookie. I totally agree. But don't you think that's how society sees it at times. Like if you're in your 20s and you haven't had sex, you need to rid yourself of it in order to be a "modern, sophisticated woman"? I feel like that pressure is out there.
Thanks for you thoughts.
Great minds think alike, Pamela :)
I guess I set out to make a point and I'm glad you have a heroine who's a bit different - a girl who had set certain expectations and she's sticking to her guns. Similar but different.
So what about a hero who's a virgin? What do y'all think about that? Is it unromantic because the thought is an experienced man is a better man? Seems to have been the standard in romance - the sophisticated ladies man and the innocent secretary/nurse/student. So is a virgin hero too implausible?
So nada, nothing--not even with the hero? Bet there's lots of sexual tension through :)
Can't wait to read it!
Liz, I love that your heroine is so different. The whole premise of the book sounds intriguing and realistic. Can't wait to read it! I bet there are more older virgins out there than we think.
I have no problems with virgin heroines or heroes for that matter. I think it's a natural choice for some people.
I know, Ro. I usually write torrid love scenes, but in this one there's much longing with a happy ending that let's us know that Lou has finally found the "right" guy. I mean, it has to be...it's a romance :)
But, yeah, Lou starts as a virgin and ends as one. But I still think her journey is fulfilling and throwing in a gratuitous sex scene didn't feel right.
I hope so, Joan. I'm a true romantic and thinks it's gotta be fabulous to have the first time be with someone you love...and who loves you.
Glad to hear it, Kaelee :) Thanks!
Yea, Liz I think the pressure is on out there. There's a lot of peer pressure especially for mid to older teens. It's so sad because I've seen too many unwanted teen pregnancies.
Sounds like a fabulous story, Liz! I have no problem believing someone could choose to remain a virgin until The Right One comes along *g*
Can't wait to read it!
although i think maybe for some reason people don't take to much problem with virgin or not virgin anymore but even it's not important for the heroine to be still virgin, but i still hope they still keep their virginity especially for heroine in Historical Romance and for romance book i love when hero feel surprise to find the heroine is still virgins :)
So what do you think about virgins in romance books?
= Virgins is so sweet. I like stories about virgins and rakes.
Is that so twenty years ago and thus unbelievable? Do virgins make good heroines?
=Nothing old fashion about virgins. Almost all the stories I read about virgins is nice and interesting....
Liz,
I love the idea of a virgin hero. As I've mentioned before, I'm in love with Jamie Frasier of Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series:-) He was a virgin--and one hot, hot, hot hero!!!
Hi Liz , I am agreed with you virgininty Is not something to be shed about and they are hero. / heroine material . To be virgin doesn't mean that one is ancient or a spinster, it means they wait for the right person to come along and that is what called great integrity . Aretha zhen , arethazhenAtrocketmaildotcom
Snookie - I'm just now arriving with a new teen. He's not really all the way through puberty yet, so we haven't really thought about that kind of pressure, but back in the 80s when I was raised, there were girls who had sex but there was still somewhat a stigma attached (slut) and it wasn't accepted. Today, it seems these kids accept everything. A kind of "whatever's your thing" sort of vibe. I think our very politically correct world has created kids who don't put any social mores on anyone. It's a blessing and a curse, really. Hmm...something more to think about.
Eli - I think it's very much expected in historical romance. In fact a non-virgin is more atypical. But I like it, too. Feels authentic. I guess the only thing I think unauthentic is when she's a virgin and it's like the best sex ever. I think it would be more real if things weren't roses and rainbows, you know? Thanks for the comments :)
Thanks, Mine is blessing. I like rakes and innocents, too. A definite good plot with built in complication. I'm a huge Regency buff, so I often pick up those books when I need some respite from writing. :) Thanks for stopping by.
Pamela! How could I forget Jamie? The ultimate in heroes! And I loved that she was the more experienced and he was the virgin. I need to go back and re-read those books. Loved them so much. Think I read the first one when I was a senior in high school. Probably cemented my life-long love of romance.
Beth - Glad you agree. And thanks!
Aretha - integrity. Perfect word. We see it less and less. That's one characteristic I hope to instill in my boys. They're not perfect, but wanting to be a good man is what they should strive for and integrity is an integral part.
Thanks for popping by and commenting :)
i love virgin in romance novel...never bored to read them...maybe because i lived in east so virginity is an important thing in our life...
thx u u so much ...
-nurma-
Anything that sparks your interest as a writer has to be good, right? I'm sure you'll nail it.
Karina
Maybe in this time, the virginity nobody care. but i really like to read about the heroine which is virgin..
i like virgin heroines, i read the story and loved its
I always love virgin heroines, i adore them so much. And for her, a hero with special character who adore her virginity.
I think it's just because my eastern culture or because my faith ^^
However, as long as the story have to lead the heroine was not virgin, it doesn't matter to me ^^
Good to know I have some readers very open to reading about a virgin. Very interesting to see those of you from the East as valuing a woman's innocence so highly. I love that our cultures can be so very different, but the important things never change.
Thanks so much for your comments and votes of confidence. We'll see what some of you think once you read the book :)
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