Wednesday, March 21, 2012

On Wearing Nude Pantyhose

By Jeannie Watt

I found out totally by accident a few weeks ago that wearing nude pantyhose is no longer socially acceptable, which makes me something of a fashion outcast, I guess, since I have drawer full of nude pantyhose and no intention of buying more until those are gone.  

According to the magazine article I read, pantyhose itself is  fine—just not the nude variety. Pantyhose MUST be colored.  Or what? I’m not really certain, but the article hinted  that there would be consequences.

My personal feeling is that pantyhose is never fine, colored or not, but sometimes necessary. It covers a multitude of sins when one is wearing a dress and it allows feet to slide into shoes easily.  But there are problems. Personally, no matter how much I plan in advance, one leg of my pantyhose inevitably goes on backwards, twisting around my thigh and cutting off the circulation at the top of my leg. It usually takes me at least two tries to get both legs on right.  I confess that often when I dress up, I skip the pantyhose and wear a long skirt with knee high hose.  When the wind blows, I’m the woman crossing the parking lot crouched down, holding my skirt just below my knees so my granny hosiery doesn’t show.

Yes, I know this no-nude-hose fashion phase will pass—as did the low-rise jeans that gave me flab in places I never had it before—but it was almost a decade before I could buy jeans with the proper rise. Will the same thing happen to nude pantyhose? Will I have to have colored legs if I want to cover them up? The author of the magazine article suggested that if I wanted a nude color, I should use self-tanner or leg makeup. I, in turn, suggest that whoever wrote that article should get real. Who has time? It's quicker to put on pantyhose twice.

I still have four more years left of the day job, and that means four more years of occasionally struggling into pantyhose—or doing the long-skirt-knee-high-hose-windy-crouch-walk. And I’d very much like to spend those four years wearing whatever color hosiery I want, even if it happens to be nude—which is what I own.

So there, fashion police. Bring it on.

24 comments:

marybelle said...

It has been YEARS since I wore pantyhose. I don't need to wear them for work & socially I dress for me.

Sonya Natalia said...

I was a ballet dancer, so over a couple of decades wore enough thick tights to last a lifetime. All day and all night, every day of the week, no matter the weather or the occasion. When I stopped dancing I said, “NEVER AGAIN!!” I don’t own anything resembling tights or pantyhose now.
And I have white (as in WHITE – when I’m in the sun, complete strangers come up to me and tell me to be careful!) legs. Why everyone wants to spray their skin the colour of a pumpkin I do not understand.

Hmmm. There’s a reason I avoid fashion “experts”. They leave me feeling bad!

msullivan said...

Jeannie, thank you for my morning laugh! Pantyhose are (is?) one of the reasons I rarely wear skirts. And leg makeup? Seriously, life is complicated enough and morning rituals are already busy enough.

Jeannie Watt said...

HI Marybelle--Good for you dressing for yourself. If it wasn't for the day job, I wouldn't wear pantyhose nearly as often. I'd probably own one pair--nude colored, of course.

Sonya--How cool that you were a ballet dancer. I can understand giving up all forms of tights after wearing them night and day. And congrats on proudly wearing white skin. My daughter does the same.

Jeannie Watt said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jeannie Watt said...

Too early to be typing and thus the deletion.

Mary--I researched whether pantyhose is singular or plural. It's both. When speaking of one particular pair of pantyhose, it's plural and when speaking of pantyhose in general it's (usually) singular, but can be plural. In other words, we can do what we want with the verb, lol.

liztalley said...

LOL. Panty hose are wretched, BUT I have to admit, the last time I wore them (for that movie I was an extra in) I actually liked them. I bought the Spanx variety and felt supported all day :)

Currently I have two pair of panty hose - the aforementioned Spanx and a ragtag pair I found in the back of a drawer not too long ago. Haven't worn them in a good ten years.

Funny enough, my first Superromance was inspired by a pair of knee-highs. Kid you not :) So I'm sort of fond of them. Great post, Jeannie!

Tammy Yenalavitch said...

Say it isn't so - I am very fair skinned. No one wants to see my glow in dark white legs. I have lots of nude pantyhose and I will continue to wear them. Suntan just doesn't look right on me.

msullivan said...

'In other words, we can do what we want with the verb, lol.'

Thanks, Jeannie. Good to know!

Anonymous said...

I so agree with you! Why are pantyhose so 'unfashionable'? Who decided this? Some chick with skinny feet? I don't wear those fancy shoes because my foot sticks when I walk and they are painful. At least pantyhose makes them bearable.
But, I also don't go for trendy clothing and buying clothes every season. I am already a fashion outcast, so I may as well keep the pantyhose too.

MarcieR

Cathryn Parry said...

Jeannie, I did not know that. I guess I will be out of fashion, then. (Not the first time!) :-)

We had our adult figure skating competition this past weekend at the local rink. Our tights are nude and they look like granny tights, but with two pairs on, they are as warm as a pair of leggings.

Kristina Mathews said...

I have always had trouble with pantyhose, nude or otherwise. I'm short and never really comfortable with a waistband digging into my ribcage.

I have been known to wear knee highs with long skirts, and when we went to Cabo for my husband's 40th birthday, I wore garters. Anything to avoid pantyhose.

I'm going to a fancy dance this Saturday. I didn't even think about pantyhose. But I probably should at least shave my legs.

Kathleen O said...

I HATE pantyhose. I think it is some mans idea of torture for woman.. And I wear what ever kind of pantyhose I like... when I wear them. I mostly have black, but I have taupe or nude in my hosiery drawer.. I have white legs, so I have to hide them some how.
Love your post.. Gave me a great laugh today...

Karina Bliss said...

You go, girl! I'm right behind you. Very funny post, thanks.

Laney4 said...

I rarely wear dresses, but when I do, out come the nude pantyhose - out from my freezer! My dad read an article back in the eighties about them lasting longer (run-free) if kept in the freezer, and I've done it ever since. Considering that some of those pantyhose are over 20 years old now (like I said, I rarely wear dresses/skirts anymore!), I think the Reader's Digest article was right! BTW, they don't come out in icicles. They look normal but feel chilly for a few seconds. No big deal.

Jeannie Watt said...

Hey Liz--I've tried the Spanx hose and loved them--once I got into them. I felt like I'd just performed gymnastics after getting wiggled into them. How funny that your first Super was inspired by knee-highs, lol.

Yay, Tammy! A fellow nude wearer.

Marcie--I pretty much do what I like fashionwise, too. My problem is I love old standby's but also anything new and different. (Ahem...nude pantyhose goes with all of the above...)

Oh, Cathryn--I'm trying to imagine putting on TWO pairs of tights. Sounds tricky.

Hi Kristina--I wore garters once. It was kind of fun. Lol at shaving your legs for the fancy event.

Kathleen--Trust me, I'm with you on not being a pantyhose fan. But I like what they do when they're on. Glad I was able to make you smile.

Hey Karina! *waving*

Rogenna Brewer said...

Thankfully, hose aren't a requirement underneath scrubs. But I do occasionally dress up for conference and I'm right there with you, Jeannie, in my knee-hi stockings and evening gown.

Last year I thought I'd be clever and buy a pair of sexy thigh-hi stockings. But even though they were queen size I couldn't stretch them higher than just above my knee, which wouldn't have been so bad if they'd stayed put...

I trade them out for knee-hi stockings before I left my room.

These days I definitely have a deeper understanding (and appreciation) for my grandmother's house dress and knee-hi combo.

She looked like June Cleaver, all neat and put together, until she sat down :)

Kaelee said...

If I wear pantyhose, they are usually beige or nude. I have a dresser drawer full of them and I really should just pitch them all. I have only worn pantyhose once in the last 10 years or so. I didn't take a chance on a old pair as I was going to a wedding. Just one more pair for the pile. I think I'll start cutting them up to tie up my tomatoes next year.

Snookie said...

LOL never wore pantyhose or stockings in my life! I wear socks with my shoes/boots, but no hose! And boy am I glad! I ususally wear shorts and t-shirts to work, sometimes jeans if I have a meeting or need to go out in the field, but otherwise shorts is the way to go :)

Mary Brady said...

Thanks for the chuckle, Jeannie, after doing tax work all day, I needed one. I remember low rise jeans when they came around the first time. I looked great in them. This last time I passed. Panty hose, no. Long skirt and knee highs, yes.

Jeannie said...

Laney--That's amazing about the frozen pantyhose. I'll have to try that sometime. I guess I should warn my husband first, since he does the cooking.

Rogenna--I, too, have tried thigh high. Apparently these stockings are not made for people who actually have thighs. Mine go up over my knees and then squeeze unsightly amount of flesh up above them (I know--you probably didn't need to know that.) Even when I was in great shape from running that happened. I love the mental picture of your grandmother sitting down. I'm with her.

Kaelee--When I quit my job, I will toss the hose. I figure then I can buy new ones for the few occasions that require them. I like the idea of tying up tomatoes. Also, when I was a kid in 4-H, we collected nylons from the college dorms and sororities, cut them up and used them to stuff animals that we made for a kids' hospital as a community project. Back then stuffing was expensive and the cut up nylons worked great.

Hey Snookie--Someday we'll have to wrestle you into a pair of pantyhose--just because, lol. You're so lucky to be able to wear comfy clothes to work.

Hi Mary--Yes, the first go round with low rise jeans worked for me, too, except that I'm high waisted, so they made my legs look really short in comparison to my body. Not the best silhouette. And yes--high five to long skirts and knee-highs!

Pamela Hearon said...

Let's blame Princess Kate. It's my understanding she's brought back pantyhose single-handedly (though I'm not sure what color she shuns). It hasn't been a year since I read never to wear black pantyhose because they make your ankles look big. I've always been a fan of taupe and have a dresser drawer full of them. I think I'll just let them hang around until next year when they'll be in style again. If we all keep doing what we've always done, we'll be thought of as trend-setters before we know it:-)

linda s said...

Oh my... relief... no pantyhose in the drawer... escaped the fashion police. This time. Whatever will be next?

Jeannie said...

Pamela --I do love being a trendsetter, so yes, I'll hang onto the hose for a year and then wear them with pride, lol. I had no idea that Princess Kate had brought back pantyhose--or that they were out.

Linda S.-- :-D So glad you made your escape.

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