By Jeannie Watt
I found out totally by accident a few weeks ago that wearing nude pantyhose is no longer socially acceptable, which makes me something of a fashion outcast, I guess, since I have drawer full of nude pantyhose and no intention of buying more until those are gone.
According to the magazine article I read, pantyhose itself is fine—just not the nude variety. Pantyhose MUST be colored. Or what? I’m not really certain, but the article hinted that there would be consequences.
My personal feeling is that pantyhose is never fine, colored or not, but sometimes necessary. It covers a multitude of sins when one is wearing a dress and it allows feet to slide into shoes easily. But there are problems. Personally, no matter how much I plan in advance, one leg of my pantyhose inevitably goes on backwards, twisting around my thigh and cutting off the circulation at the top of my leg. It usually takes me at least two tries to get both legs on right. I confess that often when I dress up, I skip the pantyhose and wear a long skirt with knee high hose. When the wind blows, I’m the woman crossing the parking lot crouched down, holding my skirt just below my knees so my granny hosiery doesn’t show.
Yes, I know this no-nude-hose fashion phase will pass—as did the low-rise jeans that gave me flab in places I never had it before—but it was almost a decade before I could buy jeans with the proper rise. Will the same thing happen to nude pantyhose? Will I have to have colored legs if I want to cover them up? The author of the magazine article suggested that if I wanted a nude color, I should use self-tanner or leg makeup. I, in turn, suggest that whoever wrote that article should get real. Who has time? It's quicker to put on pantyhose twice.
I still have four more years left of the day job, and that means four more years of occasionally struggling into pantyhose—or doing the long-skirt-knee-high-hose-windy-crouch-walk. And I’d very much like to spend those four years wearing whatever color hosiery I want, even if it happens to be nude—which is what I own.
So there, fashion police. Bring it on.