by Liz TalleyIt's the journey.
I know we've all heard that saying before, but I really and truly believe it's a pretty valid one.
My son plays 7th grade football, and this year it has been a challenge. For a variety of reasons, he did not see much playing time. New coaches, tons of kids on the team, and the plain ol' fact that he wasn't willing to work very hard because he'd always been fairly decent as a player. For him it was frustrating; for my husband and I, very painful to watch. At times, I became so incensed for him, mostly because I'm his momma and I hate, HATE, to see him hurt. Yet, I know this is the way of life. There are consequences for actions and inactions, and facing these tests are what forges the mettle in my boy...just as it does me. At the end of the season, I told him that it wasn't just the end result, but the journey he'd taken. He may not have had a good season, but he'd participated, been a good teammate and had fun with new friends. Because he chose to play football, he grew in many ways. Ah, those growing pains.
The same has stood true for me in my writing. When I first started writing, it was merely something to kill time. While the youngest slept, I read romance books voraciously. Stuck in the house with a baby and a three year old is as stimulating intellectually as snot. Okay, we watched the Disney channel sometimes and Dora taught me new stuff (and I always loved Boots), but I struggled for adult conversation. The mailman should be glad I didn't kidnap him, tie him to my dining room chair and force him to hear my ideas on child development and where we'd all gone wrong. To say I wasn't cut out for being a stay-at-home Mom was an understatement. So after reading one really good book, a lightbulb went off and I took the first step in a very, very new direction. I started writing a book. Then after three years of dabbling, I finished a book.
I didn't really know what to do with it. I thought it was fabulous. NYT Bestseller status loomed ahead, along with bazillion dollar contracts and movie deals. Oh, yeah. I was about to be the next big thing, people. But I didn't know how to get it from my computer to a publishing house.
And then a new journey began. One that took me so many places and brought me so many friends. I could never have imagined where I'd be....and I still can't imagine where I'm going. Do I have a destination? Sure. I'm still expecting big things, wonderful things, but I'm perfectly content with what I'm learning on my journey - both the good stuff and the bad stuff.
Because I made the journey, I'm a member of NOLA STARS - heck, I'm the president of NOLA STARS (my local Louisiana chapter of RWA) and because I took that first step, I'm a Golden Heart finalist with the uber-talented, uber sexy Ruby Slippered Sisterhood. Because I laced up my hiking boots, I met my editor and revealed how I had stolen my Rita/Golden Heart dress...and just a year and four months later (yep, I counted) I became a Superromance author and found all of you.
I may never sell another book, but I will always appreciate this journey...the friends I've made who I may never meet in person...the lessons I've learned that have bumped me down a peg or two...the successes I've shared like handing my mom and dad my first book. It's all been so damn worth it, so wonderful that sometimes it hurts.
So, yeah, it's not about the destination, it's about the journey you take.
No matter if it's writing, running a marathon (like my friend Cindy is doing this weekend. Go, Cindy!) or working a job that sometimes has you pulling your hair out. Think about who you are and what the journey has made you and smile. Because there is always a silver lining, lemonade, and any other euphemism you can think of for finding good in all things.
What about you? What path are you on? Or is there a journey you're itching to take that has you shuffling your feet? Leave me a comment about your journey and I'll pick a random poster to win any one of my books (except the first one that's hiding under my virtual bed cause you really don't want to read that one)
28 comments:
Oops! My formatting is kind of wonky. Hope it doesn't make it too hard to read. I always have trouble with the spacing. :)
Hi Liz,
You formatting looks fine to me. I learned it's the journey not the destination when I was in high school. I worked so hard to get straight A's in all my classes, But, after I did it, I realized it felt empty because I had not enjoyed that journey. I then learned to find joy in every journey.
Not hard to read at all Liz. I really enjoyed reading it. Reminds me of all the years my parents took us on those car vacations back in the 50's, we three kids would "are we there yet" while my Dad found another side road to explore. Now I realize all that beautiful scenery and new cities we saw was the journey.
I am not really on a path or jouney right at this time. Lately its just like taking one day at a time and see where it leads. Maybe thats not the life to lead right now but its want my life is all about.
Hi Liz,
I read your blog post while waiting in the driveway for my kids to get ready for our morning walk. When they're in school, I walk a hard two mile route with headphones blaring. Today wasn't quite like that.
Scooters, bikes, and dogs all added to the chaos that characterizes a walk with kids. Talk about the journey being more important than the destination.
Great blog and so true! And I laughed out loud about kidnapping the mailman. When my kids were really little, I planned my day around the PBS show Arthur.
Tammy -
I was much the same way in college. For some reason, I held fast to the notion that I was going to graduate with honors. I worked my tail off studying, waving my friends off when they went out. Really hit home with me years later when I realized no one cared about my grades. At all. I really wished I'd gone out and had a little more fun. Oh, well. Just so y'all all know I graduated summa cum laude....do you like me better now? Yeah, that's what I thought. Who gives a rip?
Yep, the journey is the thing. :)
Gloria -
Oh, the good ol days before TVs in cars. My brothers and I took many a trip counting license plates, playing the alpahbet game and annying the hell out of each other. One of my friends said something about not getting a TV in their van, and I told her I thought it was a good idea...if she wanted to become an alcoholic. Cause roadtrippin with my kids makes me want to drink copious amounts of alcohol. I don't drive, of course. I just TELL my husband how to drive.
Yay for technology!
Virginia -
Sometimes life is like that and it feels like all we can do is keep treading water and keep our noses pointed upward so we don't sink. But there is strength and lessons found in all aspects of a journey...even if you're sitting on a bench waiting to give it a go again. I hope this year becomes easier for you, but one day at a time is always a good way to approach life - keeps you from getting overwhelmed.
Kristen - How true about taking dogs and kids on a walk. We did that not long ago and it was full of "Scoot over. You're going to get run over." or "Don't let her poop in their yard!" and "Where's the plastic poop bag?" Yeah, not so soothing.
But still, my kids love when we go on a walk together. And so do the dogs...new places to do their business and all that :)
I love road trips. Even if I'm usually either sleeping or reading or plotting. There's just something about miles and miles and miles of rolling hills, desert or plains to really let your mind travel. We stop just often enough to eat, stretch and check out any historical roadsign along the way. We usually have a general desitnation, or destinations in mind, but often it's the side trips that are the most fun. The things that happen along the way that stay with us long after the tripis over.
I think the same thing can be said about my favorite books. We all know there's going to be a happily ever after. But getting there is more than half the fun.
I had an aha moment today: I realized that my days are geared toward ... love!
I could go out and get a full-time job (I have no doubt about my ability), but I prefer to stay home with my typing business instead. There isn't as much money in it, but I have flexibility to do what I want to do most days - like attend funerals, make healthy suppers and desserts from scratch, man the phone calls/messages, organize home services, "be there" for my mother-in-law's doctor appointments re her Alzheimer's, etc., and most specially, be able to spend quality time with my husband, as he works continental shifts and I wouldn't see him often if I worked outside the home in an office.
In my down time, I blog about and read several books - again, dealing with love.
After 30 years of marriage, two young adult kids, lots of extended family, and many many good friends, I am surrounded by love.
And I love my journey.
Liz, interesting post! The great thing about writing is that the journey is neverending. There's always more to learn, new genres to try, new ways to stretch and grow as a writer. It's an important lesson to enjoy it as we go. Hope your son has a better season next year.
I'm very grateful you took the writing journey too! I'm behind you - but don't turn around because you won't see me. I'm somewhere around the corner.
My recent path today was figuring out my newly purchased Kindle without the use of wi-fi. See my rant on the Super thread (why do companies assume everyone has the latest technology). But I have decided I like print better. I like to take a peek at the last line.
Beautiful post, Liz. :) My journey is that I'm gearing up for my very first book release (next week!). I'm so thankful to have met you all, and to be sharing the journey with you.
Just hit a bumpy roand and needed that bit of inspiration today, Liz. Thank you.
Great blog, Liz, and interesting to read all the comments. More 'smell the roses' moments would be among my resolutions for the year for sure.
Karina
Oh, I'm so glad this post hit home. To be honest, I wrote it about a month and a half ago, so it felt new to me, too.
I love hearing about the various paths we're all on. Life can be such a drain and at the same time such a precious well of opportunity and passion. Ask me tomorrow and I may not feel so optimistic, but I try like the devil to see the glass as half full and not question when there is a slip of that glass.
Laney4 - I think it's beautiful that you see your life as service done with love. Sounds like you have your priorities right.
Kristina - I love taking road trips too. A little bit better when it's with my husband or a group of girls. My kids are wonderful. Love 'em, but they aren't good travelers.
Joan - you are so right. As soon as we get to one end, we're starting with a new beginning. That's pretty cool.
Marcie - I'm so challenged in this department. I'm not tech savvy either. Should have heard me giving my dad the instructions to register his kindle. Argh. Took a while.
Thanks, Cathryn, Rogenna and Karina - I'm glad it inspired and I'm happy to be on this journey with you.
We all hit bumps but they're made softer with good friends :)
Hi Liz! Great post. It's so hard to sit back and watch when it comes to your kids. But hey they have to take their own path and learn from the results. As for me, at the moment I am shuffling my feet. I have now finished two complete manuscripts, but have not sent either one of them out because I am afraid. I know I will never know until I just do it, but thats always easier said than done. So hopefully I will get over it and just send them out this year.
Hope you have a Happy New Year!
Never fear Liz, you have not written your last published book! I love your writing style and have read all of your books!
I enjoy the journey all the time. I meander all over the place, but that's OK because I'm grounded by my family, my culture, my roots. So if I take off on a journey, I know there are people at my side, behind me supporting me.
Sorry I'm late commenting but I was on a journey today visiting with some of my husband's relatives. The kids in this family are older than the ones we were with on Boxing Day. It's a learning journey every time we are around kids as they grow so quickly and each in their own way.
I never stop trying to learn something new everyday.
Thank you Liz for starting your writing journey and like Snookie I hope you will keep writing some more great books.
I'm hoping that my present journey leads me to a much more settled life. I've had too many ""exciting"" moments. I'd like some peace & calm for a while.
Alina - yeah, watcing your kids fail is hard (or just get knocked down a peg or two) but it's such an important part of growing. All of us fail whether it's in love or career or a personal goal. Part of being human. But when it's your baby, omg. So much harder.
And speaking of babies, those ms won't sell if you don't submit them. It's a hard, hard thing to send it out into the cruel world, but it's an important part of growing, too. But I remember how you feel. And I remember all the rejections tumbling into my mailbox. Not fun, but I had to do it to learn and grow. Here's hoping that 2012 is the year you release you baby into the wild.
Snookie - I love that the tradtions and cultures in your world root you on the path. What an incredible blessings both those things are. I love being a Louisiana girl - Native American and French (among other things).
Kaelee - Sounds like a wonderful thing that you get to re-learn about your neices, nephews and cousins. They do grow too fast, don't they? Funny what a year brings. I always discover that when I look back on pics of my kids. And thanks for the compliment - I hope I keep getting to write those books too. :)
Marybelle - I hope the new year brings you some peace. Sometimes life rocks you so hard you get seasick. I felt the way you feel last year. January was rough for me - trying to sell a house, kids with the flu, a Feb 1st deadline that had me clenching my teeth leading to headaches. It was terrible. BUT, I learned that I CAN"T allow myself to get that way again. So this year, I've protected myself better...though I do have another Feb. 1st deadline. Gulp. Here's to a good, peaceful 2012 for you.
It's always good to be reminded that there's good even in bad things, if we just look hard enough. My favorite of the door/window, lemon/lemonade analogies is my mother's: When you step in a pile of horse sh*%, keep looking around until you find the pony. Bless her, right now she's having a hard time finding her pony.
And thank you for the validation, too. Most of us will never be a top-selling author, the President, or CEO of our own successful company, but that doesn't mean we've failed. I'd rather know that I lived a "small" life doing good along the way than to go out in a blaze of glory that was just handed to me. It is, indeed, the journey that's important.
Liz, this post is such a wonderful reminder to try to stay in the moment, and to try to enjoy that moment, especially as we get ready to start a new year. Hugs to you for staying strong for your son’s sake—unfortunately our kids will get to learn all the same painful lessons we did, but of course they need to, in order to grow. And you’re setting such a terrific example for them, showing them how much effort you’re willing to put into your dream, and how detours can be *good* things! :-) I’m on a journey as the daughter of an elderly parent, and of course I don’t want to dwell on *that* destination, so I try to take it day-by-day and enjoy the now. And try not to think of my own aging process. :-) Thank you for sharing!
I'm late finding this, Liz, but it's just what I needed to see today. My girls both studied ballet for years, so I got that practice of watching them struggle and sometimes fail. Sometimes because they hadn't tried hard enough and sometimes because that is just how things were.
They hung up their point shoes a while back, but now they are both starting a new chapter in their lives. It's terrifying and exciting and I'm doing my very best not too hold on too tightly for too long.
And I'm going to enjoy their journey out into the world.
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