Monday, August 22, 2011

Healing Sex

As an adolescent listening to Marvin Gaye sing "Sexual Healing" I must admit I was clueless as to the power of sex as a healing tool. After 25 years of marriage, surviving several military deployments (at least one during wartime), raising teens--I know that a healthy sex life has its place in any relationship.
I've just turned in my latest Superromance to my editor (June 2012 release). It takes place on Whidbey Island, Washington, and involves a Navy pilot hero who is in need of healing--as is the Navy widow heroine. As I wrote the book and the characters took on their own life, it became clear very quickly that the emotional bond between the hero and heroine required a sexual tension not only unique to them, but hot and urgent, like their need to break through their wounds and arrive in today, fully alive and ready to love again.
There have been a lot of changes in the Krotow household this summer. Besides making a move from Russia to the States and accepting that we're hopefully done moving for a long while, our babies are growing up. I take the oldest to college next week. Youngest is getting more independent as high school marches on. Decisions have to be made about jobs, income, etc. It can be too much, too loud, too scary.
Maybe I need only tap my dh (dear hubby) on the shoulder.
If you leave a comment you're automatically entered to win a copy of my first HarlequinEverlasting Novel, A Rendezvous to Remember.

23 comments:

EllenToo said...

While I have not moved much as an adult as a child my family moved a lot and one thing I can remember from all those moves is that my parents always managed to take time out of all the chaos to have private time to themselves. I pray that you and your dh can find quiet time to help each other get through whatever is going on in your life.

Kaelee said...

A tap on the shoulder even if it just leads to a big hug is what we all need. Hopefully you will make it through your current problems and be stronger as a result. Wishing you the best life has to offer.

Virginia C said...

There is a universal, idealized notion of romantic love, and then there is the reality of the physical union of human bodies. If we are lucky, the romantic notion and the physical reality combine for a loving, sensual relationship. Everyone’s own experience with love and sex is unique, always more or less than we expected, and seldom what we had envisioned for ourselves. As children, what we observe of “grown up” relationships greatly affects our perception of love and sex. As adults, we may turn to sex as brief oblivion or uninhibited pleasure. I think we need intimacy in varying levels, sometimes sexual, sometimes soothing. At times, a gentle touch may be as intimate as complete sexual union.

Geri Krotow said...

Thanks EllenToo and Kaelee! We are indeed getting through this time--and I forgot to add that reading a romance novel never hurts, either. Have a great week.

Geri Krotow said...

Well said, Virginia C. Scientists have proven that pleasure is a brain function (and as a romance writer, I believe a HEART function). Simple things like a look, touch or hug can cure just about anything!

jcp said...

Best of luck to you and your family.

Caro Carson said...

I think this is a bold choice of topic, Geri. It's an important one, especially in romance novels. When some people turn up their noses and say "those books" are just about sex, I point out that if it's well written, you really want the hero and heroine to have sex, because it's an important, vital step in their happily ever after! Looking forward to your next book. :)

K Austin said...

I agree with Caro, a bold choice for a topic. Interludes that heal the soul and spirit can transcend the standard definition of a sexual encounter. I watched the 8 part series on the "Kennedys" on Netflix this weekend and noted how they handled topic of JFK's indiscretions. And after reading your blog I'm trying to wrap my brain around the idea that JFK might have used sex to heal--certainly it was an escape/distraction from the stress. BTW, Greg Kinnear was compelling and Katie Holmes was adequate as Jackie.

Anonymous said...

Hi Geri,

I have moved several times and they are stressful. Once I moved across the US, with no job on the other end. I just had faith it would all work out. Good luck with your move.

Tammy Y

liztalley said...

This is an important topic...one that my sister-in-law and I were just discussing yesterday. She told me of a dissertation a friend had done on women and sexuality, and I was quick to point out how romances helped me to understand intimacy and sex...especially since I grew up in the Bible belt where sex was (and still is) viewed as something dirty. Reading about women feeling the way they felt during sex prepared me for my own sexual encounters when I grew older. I felt more comfortable because I knew what it was supposed to feel like and could allow myself to embrace those feelings without guilt or shame.

Another thing that I constantly have to point out to my husband is that it's okay if it's not always the best sex ever. Sometimes it's more about the intimate moment with him than the actual sex. Sometimes men don't get that because all they hear left and right is about how they should satisfy a woman. Don't get me wrong, that's important, too, and I'm glad my husband takes that on a mission sometimes, but what's more important to me is the feeling of being loved. And that in itself is healing.

Good topic, Geri, and one that, though it's kinda private, is important for women to talk about what sex represents to them...not only with each other, but with their partner.

Moving is never easy. Take some time for you...and for each other.

Kathleen O said...

I have often wished lately for some storng arms in the middle of the night, just to know there is a warm body there.. But alas this did not happen. I have not been in a relationship in along time, and I didn't miss it, until this past few months going through the loss of my mother. Like one reader says, a hugs goes along way...
I look forward to reading this book.

Linda Warren said...

Hi Geri,
I read in the paper just yesterday that excerise and sex keeps a brain healthy. I told my husband that it probably keeps the body healthy too. LOL
He smiled.

A great topic.

JV said...

Geri, it sounds like you could use a hug! I suggest you give your DH that tap on the shoulder. Just having a spouse or significant other there to lean on sometimes makes all the difference. Big life changes are stressful, and some of the most stressful involve moving and our children's life transitions.

Hang in there. Your new book sounds great, and I'll be anxious for it to come out to read it!

Toni Kenyon said...

Hi Geri,
This is a great topic and I have enjoyed everyone's comments. I think because sex is so powerful and intimate it evokes a strong reaction from everyone on so many levels. Trying to deny that fact is oftentimes where people come unstuck. I love that romance writers get a chance to explore so many aspects of a sexual, intimate and emotional relationship within the relative 'safety' of a romance novel. I think, as writers of the genre, we get such a hard time because we are going where so many people would like to go, but do not have the courage.

Good luck with your life changes. My youngest son left home to go to university at the beginning of this year. It is a difficult time to be a mother. Writing through my feelings and having my own busy life helped me a lot.

Virginia said...

I don't move any! We have been in the same house since I got married! Now I did have to move my son into his college dorm this past weekend and that was a job. I hope this will be his last year. I guess his first year at college I had empty nest symdrom.

Mary Brady said...

Geri, your "latest Superromance" sounds great.

You know how they say your children will learn a lot by the examples you set and not nearly as much from your words? Well, I learned early, sex was not a dirty word. I have 8 sisters and brothers, so my parents obviously approved. It was a good example to set.

Hope you and yours are glad to be stateside. Good luck making the decisions, etc. Start tapping that shoulder, honey, and don't stop until you get what you need!

Joan Kilby said...

Geri, love the sound of your next book. We all need that physical and emotional contact with the one closest to us to get through the tough times. As a child my life was very stable. As an adult I've moved a lot including several international moves. My babies are flying the nest, too. I'm glad to see them making their way to independence but it's also the end of an era and bittersweet. Hugs on all the changes.

Geri Krotow said...

Thanks everyone for the wonderful comments! I love being able to share my art and life and heart with fellow romance readers/lovers/writers. You "get" me and I love how we can talk about grown-up issues yet still be fun when the opportunity arises. Peace!

Debra Salonen said...

I am always so late to comment these days. Great topic. Great responses. I often write about broken people--and the key for them to move past the this-is-just-sex stage into something deeper, often lies in their ability to forgive themselves and let someone else love them back. My current hero is at the place as we speak.

Your story sounds wonderful. I love Widbey Island. Only visited once but it seemed a very special place.

Deb

marybelle said...

The connection is so important. We can take strength from it.

msullivan said...

Geri, I loved Marvin Gaye's 'Sexual Healing.' Regarding your eldest heading off to college, I found my writing REALLY helped with that when my daughter went off to university. Wishing you a smooth transition with this latest move.

Rogenna Brewer said...

Sound like my kind of book. Can't wait to read it.

Snookie said...

Your new book sounds interesting. I don't think its so much the sex as it is the intamacy. Don't get me wrong the sex is good and healthy, but just having someone there to hold to touch to hug when you need it or even just because is a big deal.

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