By Liz Talley
Think back to junior high. I know. Hard to go back that far, and, really, why bother? Everyone wants to forget it, right?
But try to transport yourself back for a minute.
Remember walking into the lunchroom and looking around desperately for a place to sit? Your BFF is absent and you are on your own. As you look around you see the clumps of kids. To the right are the nerds. They're currently discussing Star Wars and how the QB screwed up the chemistry experiment by using the wrong compond. And there's the cheerleaders. They're flipping their ponytails, putting on lip gloss and discussing going to the city for a shopping trip. Beyond them are the jocks, talking about muscles, girls and how to get one of the nerds to be their lab partner. Then there are the goths/misfits. They're just snarling and looking depressed. The outlaws are plotting how to catch a smoke. The cowboys are sneaking Skoal and praying some romance writer will write about them one day (LOL) And then there are the below-the- radar people. They're just trying to blend in. (These are the ones no one remembers. Twenty years later when you're looking through the yearbook, you realize you've NEVER seen this person)
Sound familiar?
Are these stereotypes? Do you see them in books?
I do.
And that's okay. Because using stereotypes, aka categorizing people, is human nature. Putting people in categories makes us comfortable. We know what they are supposed to do and how they are supposed to act. Nothing shocking. Nothing necessarily wrong with it.
Except it can make us complacent, both in writing and in the real world.
This past weekend I was invited to talk to a large group of ladies at a local casino. There were about 140 women there (and luckily they bought my book for them all. Yay!) but they were all different. Different races, backgrounds, styles and I'm sure tastes. I spoke to the same group last year with my debut book Vegas Two Step (right up their alley, right?) and this time, I had A Taste of Texas in hand. Last year, I talked about romance writing in general...why we women have every right to embrace a genre many dismiss as silly and not important. Couldn't do that again, so I had to think about what I needed to bring to their very nicely decorated tables.
So I turned to my book.
In my first book, I created a stereotype in Brent Hamilton. He was sleazy. Good looking, but sleazy. I used him as a tool to push my heroine's buttons. I never considered him hero material. At all.
But when I decided to dig under my stereotype, I found out that ol' Brent was more than met the eye. I busted open his stereotype and let him leak his true spirit onto my page. It was eye-opening. This man was complex. This man had been hurt. This man had failed himself.
Wow. Bustin' up Brent was fun.
So in real life, shouldn't we give it the same shot? How many times have you looked at a girl covered in tattoos and thought, "Hm...bet she's a tramp."? Or a lady in a cat sweater reading a Christian book and thought, "There's a ton of laughs right there!" Or a guy bustin' a sag and thought, "Let me clutch my purse tighter." We all do it, right? But there's beauty to looking beneath the tattoos, the Coach handbag, the Rolex watch or the cat jumper and seeing a person beneath.
So that's my challenge to you today. Look beneath the outer wrappings (or even the things a person says) and find the real person underneath. If you are a writer, try it with your characters. If you are a reader, try it with the people around you.
And leave a comment, please. Tell me about stereotypes you see around you (I know I missed some) and how you've seen beneath them. Jeez, I'm all preaching and optimstic today. Buy, hey, we need optimism and rose-colored glasses now and again, right? That's why we read romance. At the end of the week, we'll draw a winner for a Barnes & Noble gift card worth $15.00. My treat!
38 comments:
I’m small with waist-length, blonde hair. I don’t think I’ll live to see the day people stop stereotyping women who look like me, or using them negatively in fiction.
We don’t do the ‘lunchroom’ thing in Australia. Thank goodness – my friends in high school (we don’t do ‘junior high’ either!) were such an eclectic bunch of leftovers we didn’t fit into any category – we wouldn’t have had anywhere to sit! I avoid school reunions, but it’s definitely funny to hear reports of what became of the ‘popular kids’ and the ‘losers’ once they grew up!
Some people assume obese people are lazy or thin people may really workout extreme. This may not always be true.
I have to watch myself to not stereotype people.
You gave me something to think about today.
Son- Hmmm...didn't think about the stereotype for small blonde women. Usually, I try to trip small blonde women 'cause life has been so fair to them. LOL.
I understand. Blondes sometimes get the raw end of the deal with those dumb jokes...but they upside is they have more fun. :) In all seriousness, it's hard not to look at someone and decide who she/he should be based on appearance, but somehow we still do it. And I just went back to my 20th reunion and it was a relief to see that everyone has changed...and mostly for the better. Thanks for stopping by.
runner10 - Most of the time we have to deal with the genes the good Lord gave us. My family tends to be heavy. Some of it is we really like good food :) But some of it is the way we're built. I must explain this to my son all the time because he's built like me - stocky and muscular. He can't change that fact, which sticks in his craw because the younger son is so perfectly proportioned....like a 9 yr old Abercrombie model. We are who we are.
Glad I gave you something to think about. I'm trying to take my own advice. Thanks for visiting today.
Sorry about the wonky formatting. Tried to fix it but I guess blogger still has issues with me.
Thought provoking post, Liz. I look behind stereotypes all the time in my books, but I'm sure I forget to do that all the time in real life!
I think we all do, Helen. Lumping someone into a category makes us feel safe.
I think that's why we're so thrilled with characters that bust these expectations. Like a nerdy little orphan boy who takes on an evil wizard or the dumb blonde who takes out the brain she's not using and gets into Harvard and shows everyone she's more than meets the eye. It's fun to see stereotypes broken :)
In real life too...
In my high school (and jr high) we had the "popular" kids. They were a mix of honor students and athletes/cheerleaders. While some of them were nice enough, some were downright mean, which led me to some deep thoughts about the meaning of the word "popular." For many years after graduating, I had a problem with any woman who looked or acted like she'd belonged in that "popular" crowd -- until I finally realized I was being unfair and harboring some real prejudice.
I think you are right, Tori. Sometimes we have to ask ourselves what defines popular or successful. I guess there are no easy answers to that, but similar to thinking that petite blondes have it easy (like Son) we have to be careful about taking someone who seems to have it all and lumping them into a category.
Because me family was mostly blue-collar, middle class, we sometimes had a chip on our shoulder about the "haves" in our town, making assumptions that people were snobs because they drove a certain car or lived a certain way. Reverse snobbery exists, right? I can remember my mother saying things like "I thought she was a snob, but she's really nice" in a surprised manner.
An author recently ruined a book for me by stereotyping African Americans. Yes, stereotypes have a degree of truth in them, but when an author reaches for the easy, negative or simplistic stereotypes with no balancing positive or complex portrayals, it riles me up.
I know about high school stereotypes, small town stereotypes, urban stereotypes, and I'm okay with using them as long as there is a balancing character.
One stereotype that I notice is when a person works in a clerical or trade profession then people assume they are not intelligent. Stereotyping a person by their profession bothers me.
CrystalGB
Crystal816[at]hotmail[dot]com
Hey Liz--I really love this topic. I teach junior high and I see the stereotypes all the time. I also see kids take on personas for a number of reasons. Amazing what goes on beneath the surface.
Once my husband and I went out to dinner with his rather arrogant boss and his condescending wife at one of the local Basque hotel restaurants. (Boss and the missus were from a much larger and more important place than our small town.) In Basque restaurants, the seating is family style and the only other person at the restaurant was a Basque guy--older, wearing the traditional beret and with a thick accent. As dinner progressed Mrs. Boss kept asking him questions about sheepherding and stuff like that, obviously finding this guy (a genuine Basquo!) very quaint. Toward dessert, he mentioned Washington D.C. and in her most condescending voice, Mrs. Boss said, "Oh! You've been to Washington D.C.? Did you find it interesting?" At which point he said, "Yes. I'm a mammalogist and worked for the National Zoo." It was so great watching her mouth open and close trout-like.
I wrote a letter to Land's End when my boys were little because the gender stereotypes in the color choices for their kids clothing were obnoxious. My bright and shiny toddler boys wanted bright and shiny colors--not muddy, camo-inspired blech. I don't know if they improved because I started shopping at places with a less rigid gender split.
It bothers me when stereotypes/assumptions give folks a "no you can't" message.
I think Patricia hit it with the word "complex." That's the key for me in remembering to keep an open mind in my real life and in crafting what I hope are realistic characters in my fiction.
Everyone has a story!
Patricia - I think it's always hard to create characters who are authentic when you are not of that race, gender or ethnicity. I know I try to be careful about how I have those characters behave, but I try to draw on the people who surround me using them as a basis. I now wonder if I've allowed my perception to skew my view. Very interesting point and I'll have to think about that as I address those aspects in my books.
Another good point, Crystal.
We tend to do that, don't we? Make assumptions about who a person is based on the job they have. Never know who's manning the fries and what they're life experiences are. The old golden rule is always the best - treat others how you'd wish to be treated.
Jeannie - love that story. I could see her gawping and feeling incredibly foolish. LOL. I've seen so many people do this with non-native citizens. Some immigrants who were doctors or other professionals often can't practice in the states and must take other jobs. Ties in with Crystal's point. Never know about the wiatress serving you are the man behind the auto store counter.
Ellen - you had me laughing about Land's End or was it L.L. Bean? I've often said, "these clothes are out and out ugly" before. Why are boys clothes so boring? I guess they use dark colors because they know those little boys will get them dirty. LOL. But really, how much camo can a boy have?
Complexity is key. We're all complex. We all have a story. How right you are, Ms. Ellen :)
Liz, I love what you did with Brent Hamilton. Especially his secret identity.
I still remeber the moment in high school when I defied stereotypes. I went to a very small school and tended to blend in. Not one of the popular kids, I flitted about with different groups during my four years. So when my English teacher read one of my papers out loud, everyone was stunned when she told them I wrote it.
That was the best day of my high school career.
I love your best day, Kristina. Thanks for sharing.
Great post, Liz. Very important topic. I blame stereotypes on laziness. And I love it in a story when I look a little bit deeper, ask a few simple questions and suddenly discover a small gem I'd completely overlooked. Thanks for the reminder.
Deb
Love your post, Liz! We're stereotyping people so often we don't even notice it. For quiet some time I thought that one of my boyfriend's cousins is very conceited. When we were first introduced to each other he barely talked to me and quickly turned away. He used to do that a lot and I thought he didn't like me and thought him cocky. Turns out that a former girlfriend of him was a classmate of mine (I didn't know they dated) and they had broken up and he thought I blamed him for that (and he thought the classmate and I were friends which we weren't really) and was kind of shy to me rather than cocky. After we had clarified all that we're now good friends and I love to talk to him. :) If we would have talked earlier to each other or if I wouldn't have made my mind up so quickly about him we could have saved us a lot of misunderstandings.
Stereotypes are not all bad. I think we all have the need to be able to sum up situations quickly, and stereotypes can help us do that to some extent. They can be reasonably helpful in sorting out an environment at a glance.
To me, stereotypes become real negatives, though, when 1) we apply them to appearances or behaviors that are not choice-based, like race and many aspects of appearance, and 2) we fail to take into account that all living beings are multi-faceted and, as such, are so much more than how we appear at first glance.
For example, while I nearly had heart failure when my daughter told me she had found an unneutered adult male pit bull in the road and had manhandled him into her car (because I know that they are a very powerful breed, that they CAN be dangerous, and that unneutered males are particularly dicey, especially when being manhandled in an unknown environment by a stranger who probably doesn't outweigh them by more than 15-20 lbs.), I came to realize that he, as well as some others owned by people I know, are sweet and loving and docile. Samson, as she called him, is now a beloved pet of one of her dear friends, and he continues to love people and get along with other animals.
People are the same way. Stereotypes may be useful to formulate quick opinions (yes, if you're looking for the CEO of the company, you can PROBABLY assume that he isn't the young man in goth clothing with a metal stud collar on -- improbable though not impossible), but while our style choices may make a statement about us, they do not necessarily define us in important ways. We are complex and do not easily fit into neat slots.
One of my daughter's friends was featured on The Amazing Race as part of a Goth couple. On meeting him, I found him to be among the kindest and most generous people I know. He arranged tickets to a movie premiere for my husband and me and called us to find out how we were feeling when he found out we'd been ill. He also wrote a lovely article on respect and when it's okay to flaunt one's personal style versus when it should be reined in a bit.
Just acting based on stereotype, we might have never taken the time to meet a kind and caring young man. So, please, Liz, continue to bust up those stereotypes in your books and demonstrate that we're more than just how we appear on the surface.
We all stereotype is right. No matter how you try not to, we always seem to want to categorize people so that we are comfortable. For the most part I got along with everyone. I grew up on a farm in a rural low income neighborhood. I went to catholic school through 8th grade. When I went to high school, I hung out with all kinds of groups. I fit in because I was one of those middle of the road kids. One of the ways I use to try to combat sterotypes in my life, is to rememberr that guy on the side of the road that is buzzed on meth or that snobby neighbor that has their nose up in the air and looks down on the rest of us, or that high school kid with his shorts halfway down his butt with his crotch almost at his knees (and on and on) were all once cute little innocent babies until life happened. It's very hard to put your sterotypes on a baby.
Kristina - Isn't it funny how we can really let ourselves go and express ourselves in the written word? I find that particularly freeing. Love that you surprised your classmates with your talent.
Deb - You are right. Most of the time when it comes to writing characters, it's laziness. Which makes me glad to think about breaking stereotypes. I'll tell you that when I tried to decide a gal for my good ol' boy Bubba, my first inclination was a shy librarian. Then I thought, "That's what I seems like it would be." So I gave him a wise-cracking, feminist. LOL
Great, thought-provoking post, Liz! My older daughter and I were talking about this the other night when we watched You Again. The flashback scenes from high school showed a stereotypical popular girl - beautiful, head cheerleader and mean, mean, mean *g*
I enjoy when a movie, TV show or book turns those stereotypes around or, better yet, digs deep to get to the core person underneath :-)
One of my heroes goes through two MSs as a stereotypical playboy ... or so everyone thinks. When I got into his story, it turned out he was purposely cultivating an image to keep "good girls" (like the heroine) away because he thought himself not worthy of a good girl.
As for real-life stereotypes, I was a flute-toting band geek. And no, we never had as much fun at band camp as they did in "American Pie."
I saw a Rick Springfield interview the other day and he said while promoting his autobiography a few radio DJs actually laughed at the fact that he's battled depression most of his life. They thought he has money and looks, so it's impossible he would have moments of feeling as lost and as overwhelmed as anyone else.
Yep, depression doesn't fit what a lot of folks think of in terms of celebrity, fame or wealth.
I also think of all the folks who have tattoos, mohawks, multiple piercings, etc, etc. Most of those folks I know are incredibly kind, level headed, and creative. But we assume they are all druggies or evil.
And then there is me. I was a pastor at one point with a degree from Duke University's Divinity school. But I was a microbiologist in a previous life. Folks automatically assumed I knew nothing about science or was afraid of it. The question I got the most was, "how can those two things live in your head at the same time?"
And don't get me started on the number of us female multiple Masters degree holders who read romance! "You do what?!?" ;-)
In books I see a lot of the evil stepmother or ex-wife. Some people just have a narrow view of certain things and use stereotypes to reinforce their bias.
I think we all stereotype people form time to time its just our way of looking at people. My whole family is heavy so you know where that puts me. Yes we see in in all our books also, take Twilight for instence what did they do with the Vamps, they all set off at a table by theirself.
I agree with Virginia that we all stereotype from time to time. However, I also agree with Jane that some people have a very narrow view of things/life.
Sorry I was a bit out of pocket. Had to go in for an emergency root canal. Yay! Lots of fun.
Claudia - my husband is very quiet and his normal expression often looks fierce. He's not mean or arrogant for the most part, but sometimes people think he is because he doesn't always smile and chat people up. I've found many talkative people assure people to be snobbish just because they don't talk much.
In regards to Goths, JV, I agree. I taught school for years and many of the gentlest of students sought comfort behind that particular facade. Glad to know your encounter was so positive. :)
Snookie - what a great idea. I'm so stealing it.
Hi Liz,
Yes, you can't always judge a book by the cover, Still, in high school, the kids that went across the street during school hours to smoke pot were The Stoners. Very low achievers! I myself was a geek. Too smart and not from a popular neighborhood.
Beth - Don't think I've seen that one. Now I have a new movie to rent :) And confession - I was a cheerleader, on homecoming court and dated the football player. But I was never mean.
Arlene - the books sound fascinating. Those silly playboys - they're great fun to read about.
Summer - I've been dying to read his book. Funny how many people who seem to have fame, fortune and a big house on the hill are so unhappy. We seem that theme over and over. Sigh. Pretty sad that we're all working towards something that will make us miserable.
Julie - love that you brought up intelligent women reading romance books. Another stereotype. What just because you can regenerate cells in a biology lab means you don't want to read about people falling in love?
Jane - we see that very often in fiction and movies, but I love when the ex-wife turns out to be wonderful. Hmmm...I like that theme very much. May have to use that one.
Virginia - My family is also overweight, and I fight it everyday because I want to be healthy. I don't much care that my bottom is too big or that my arms are a few seconds behind me when I wave. I think we all have to learn to be comfortable in our skin.
Jackie - They are both pretty smart, huh? We are all narrow-minded at times, but it's nice to be reminded that we shouldn't be.
I thank everyone for chipping in their thoughts. I'm going to try really hard to look beneath the outter wrappings in both the people surrounding me and within my characters. You've all given me good food for thought.
I'm off to a baseball game, but I'll check back when I get in later.
Liz, great post! If writing stereotyped characters is lazy writing then stereotyping people is lazy thinking. It's good to get a jolt now and then. I like your idea of taking a stereotype and busting it open to see the complexity beneath the surface. Characters who aren't who they seem to be surprise the reader and that's a good thing.
Liz, a thoughtful post. I have a lot of stereotypes in my books and in real life probably even more. Those in my books I can control, but in life not so much. Last week I saw two kids making fun of a really obese woman and I wondered in disbelief why their mother didn't stop them. I was a breath away from saying something to the mother when the kids ran out of the store and the mother followed. Grrr!!
Yes, surprising the reader is always a good thing, and I kinda like when I surprise myself too.
If only we could make the world around us obey us like our characters do...of course, some chracters don't always listen to us. But that's a story for another day. Oh, and I don't think it's ever inappropriate to say something to children who are being out and out rude, even in front of their parents. Shame she didn't correct her own children.
I think we tend to judge people by what they wear a lot. I have met people covered in tattoos & wearing leather & looking mighty tough only to find that they were very sweet & caring. Just one of many examples. It also goes the other was too, someone dressed up beautifully, but with a mean spirit.
I agree Marybelle - the clothes don't make the man or woman.
Which is why it's nice if we can give that person the benefit of the doubt no matter if they are wearing Chanel, chains or a ragged out t-shirt from a five and dime.
Thanks for the comment :)
The biologist in me says that the urge to judge a person based on their appearance is evolutionary driven. That is, we stay alive longer if we avoid dangerous individuals and situations, and that's true for every animal, not just humans. For most of our long human history, we didn't have the time to shake hands and get to know a person. We'd see a stranger and have to instantly know whether it was a friend or foe, and whether to attack, retreat, or approach. We had to use all of our senses to make this judgement, and that meant judging a person by their appearance and behavior. Different = dangerous to our primitive brains, and very often, we stop right there.
But we're human, and part of being human is having the ability to see beyond our gut reactions. It isn't easy, and we can trick ourselves into thinking that our primitive reactions are rational, that they're based on statistics or experience or the nightly news reports. But an individual isn't a statistic, and no individual deserves to be treated like one. We're better than that, aren't we? We're human, not rabbits, and we don't need to scamper away from something unfamiliar just because it's unfamiliar. The thrill of discovery only comes when you push yourself beyond your familiar sphere of existence. That is the reward of being human, for me, and I'd hate to lose it to fear.
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