By Sarah Mayberry
I want to talk about real men this week. Not knights in shiny armor (although a lot of men have their “knight” moments), not superheroes or movie stars or any other sort of romantic, idealised fantasy.
I’m talking about real men. Men who refuse to ask for directions, no matter how lost they get. Men who leave the toilet seat up. Men who look confused when you’ve bought yet another pair of black shoes, even after you’ve pointed out the differences between your other 27 pairs.
You know the men I’m talking about, right? Your husband, your brother, your son, your friend.
I love men, I really do. I don’t think you can write romance and not love men. They delight me. I love their sense of humor. I love the way they talk to each other - that constant exchange of give and take. I love their pride and their stupid pigheadedness. And I really, really love it when I get a peek behind the manly-man facade to the little boy inside.
My man is tall. He’s good looking. He has a deep voice. People have told me many times that he’s the best dressed man they know. They’ve told me they find him intimidating because he’s smart and articulate as well as all of the above.
Of course, I love all these things about him. Who wouldn’t? But the things that make me adore him will never be revealed to most of the world. He’s goofy. He’s not afraid to make fun of himself. He has a juvenile, sometimes puerile sense of humor. He knows how to play (which is why small boys love him so).
It’s the combination of the goofy and the silly with the smarts and the looks and the confidence that slays me. The real man behind the man most of the world sees.
When I write my male characters, I always try to keep in mind the men in my life, their good sides and their bad. And I also try to show the playful, funny, goofy side of them, too. I want to give my heroines lots of reasons to fall head over heels in love with the hero I’ve chosen for them.
I’d love to hear what you love about the men in your life today. What do they do or say that just makes your heart melt? What do you most admire about them? What always makes you laugh? And what infuriates you?
I’m going to give away two copies of my Hot City Night’s anthology this week, featuring a novella from me, Sandra Marton and Emilie Rose - and because I’m feeling a little crazy (and because I bought quite large envelopes from the post office!) I’m going to ask winners to pick one other of my backlist books of their choice, too. That’s two books to two posters, one of which will be winners choice.
So, over to you. Tell me about the man behind the man in your life.
39 comments:
Something that has stuck with me was in your “The importance of being kind” post over at eHarlequin. It never really occurred to me until then that the best heroes are those who do those small, apparently insignificant things that show you what kind of person they are. It’s not always the big things that make a man a good man.
The things that strike me about the men in my life (and being Australian, I think we’re less accepting of grand gestures – we’re a little too sarcastic for that!) are those little things.
Like maybe I’ll mention that something in the house isn’t working properly. The next day it’s fixed before I’m even out of bed.
Or I go to get some insect spray to kill a nasty-looking spider, and while I’m still rummaging through the cupboard – and before I’ve even explained what I’m doing – my man has run past, armed with a big shoe, and the drama is finished before I’ve even got there (it’s a suburban version of a superhero!).
My father is like that – and my mother barely even seems to notice! Like today I had some dental work done and he dropped by with flowers. And then he bought some for my mother too – just because.
When I was travelling with my brother in India I became very, very sick. There wasn’t much he could do beyond get the doctor, so he went shopping for me instead – and came back with the most beautiful ring. I don’t know many people who trust their brothers to buy them beautiful things!
I’m not into big romantic gestures, but recently I’ve been taking note of the smaller things the men in my life do, and have been really appreciating it. That’s the best thing about Superromance heroes: we can see real life men in the guys in the stories.
Whilst I have a darling other half, the man in my life has to be my father. He is a gentleman and could never be described as anything else. However, cross him if you dare! I've called him in, on a number of occasions, trouble with companies, work, school etc and there hasn't been a fight my father has ever lost! He has the true "gift of the gab" but a very shrewd mind - still waiting for someone to match him. Just hoping my two sons take after him as much as they can!
My guy was tall, wiry, and quick with wit, temper, and laughter. His voice was raspy and he had a goofy laugh : ) He had dark golden blonde hair, and the most beautiful green eyes ever! His outward bravado was matched only by the size of his heart. For me, an inner core of compassion is essential in a man. They may fuss, cuss, rant and rave, and act like spoiled little boys, but those big hearts are there when it counts. I was born and raised in the mountains of VA where hunting is a way of life (not mine) and also a necessity to thin the deer population. My guy was loved the outdoors, and loved to hunt. However, he once told me that he freed a deer which he found trapped in barbed wired. He determined that the animal was not badly injured, just caught, so he cut him free. He would hunt animals on their own turf, but he could never kill one for sport that was trapped. Sometimes the men who seem to be the most easily defined turn out to be the ones with the most layers. If they are good guys, then it is very much worth your time to work through those layers to the heart of gold found inside.
I've been married for almost 43 years now. I laughed when I read your second paragraph. It's so true in many cases. I'm going to tell you what bugs me the most about my dear husband/hero first. He channel hops when he's watching television.
However he is a really wonderful husband in so many little ways. He's a morning person and I'm a night owl. He brings me a cup of coffee in the morning before I get up. He records the one television program I watch if I am not going to be able to watch it. He finds marvelous recipes for the two of us to cook together. He's a very social person and remembers small details about most people he meets. He lifts me up when I need it and calms me down when I really need it (I'm half Italian and I'm volatile at times). He's learnt to accept the fact that if I'm reading I may answer his questions but I may not remember I what I answered or even that he asked the question in the first place. He's so patient with me. He makes me whole in so many ways. I love him dearly and I know without a doubt that he loves me in return.
Hi Sarah! Well my hubby was never my Knight in shiny armor, his armor was Camouflaged, lol! I met my hubby 12 years ago next month and within 4 months we were married. So 12 years and 3 kids later here we are. More in love than ever. And I even like him, most of the time, lol!
My hubby is tall, has broad shoulders and great arms, with short dark brown hair and beautiful brown eyes. He also has the most amazing smile that still makes my knees week. Most people are intimidated by him which I can see but I just think its funny. To me he is a fun loving goof ball. He loves to joke and can normally make me laugh until I'm about to pee myself. But he is also so damn smart, which I love, but some days I wanna just smack his cocky ass, lol! I can't stay mad at him for long because he knows all of my buttons and just how to push them, but thats why it's perfect. My only real complaint about him is that he's a hermit. He is content hanging out at home just us and the kids and I have always been a social butterfly. I want to have friedns over and grill out or have a party, but he's just not into it. So we butt heads, but it makes for great makeups :). So pretty much he is my best friend, my lover and my rock.
Have a great day!!!
Sonya, it sounds as though you have the hat trick with the men in your life. I agree with you that us Aussies are always a little skeptical of the grand gesture - we're too cynical or self aware or something - but, like you, I notice the little things and they always make me feel loved. Like sometimes my man makes me breakfast, just because, and he brings me home flowers, just because. And recently he bought me a beautiful pen, just because. (He's just home from two days away, so I am feeling very fond right now!)
Scarlet, your Dad sounds like he should have been a lawyer! How wonderful to know that you have someone that has your back in this way. And how wonderful for him to know you trust him so much.
Virginia C - I so agree with you about easily defined men having secret depths. I love the deer story. I often have to catch myself when I am listening to men that I have, based on first impressions, pigeonholed into certain boxes. Everybody has their own secret life going on inside their head, and everyone has thoughtful and insightful observations to make. Your man sounds as though he was wonderful.
Kaelee - 43 years is awesome. I don't think me and my man will ever make 43 years - we've been together for 18, but only just tied the knot. But I am willing to wring every last year I can out, because he really is the love of my life. He also channel surfs. What's that about?! Your hubby sounds lovely with his recipes and his TV show recording. What all these gestures show is that he thinks about you. What more can any of us ask.
Hi Alina. I just posted your books to you today - hopefully they'll get there soon.Your man sounds lovely. I have a friend who has a hermit husband, too - she has learnt to go out to parties with friends if he's not into it. Horses for courses, right? I hope you guys have many more years of love and laughter together.
Hi Sarah!
I love your post! Made me laugh! I'm "only" having a boyfriend, so I hope that counts, too. ;)
I think to most people he seems kind of boring because he's not much of a talker but that's just what I love about him! He isn't talking rubbish for ages, instead he's doing something helpful. And he can make me laugh like no one else! He can be so goofy sometimes no one would guess it. It's like a hidden side of him that he only shows me. Love that! :) He can drive me crazy as well like when he says he's home at four and shows up two hours later or when he leaves his wet towel lying on the bathroom floor! Hello!?! *g* Oh, but one other good thing about him, he lets me read for hours without complaining about. He realized a reading me is a happy me so he'll be happier as well. ;)
Hi, Sarah! In fiction, I swoon over the TDH heroes with abs of steel, etc. In real life, my hero isn't particularly tall. (Not short, not tall) He is dark-haired, or at least he was before a good bit of it fell out and the rest went gray. He might not be a cover model hero (we've both put on a few pounds over the years), but he's handsome to me, particularly his eyes which often show his playful nature (though I frequently groan over his corny humor. Ugh!)
I think what I love most about him is his steadfastness. He doesn't really qualify as a hermit in that he's always glad to go to a movie with friends or to Sunday dinner at another friend's house, but he's content to let me plan our social calendar. I can always count on him. And if anyone has a problem that he knows how to fix, he is always willing to work on it. Our friends who invite us for Sunday dinner most weeks are two sisters living with their elderly mother. They frequently have chores that they ask him to do, and he is always happy to do them. He's quick to rush to my mother's house when she has issues and tackle them. (As she says, he's as handy as a pocket on a shirt.) When my daughter was still in public school, he was always the computer and tech guru and was happy to fill in at PTA activities in whatever capacity he was needed. Just last night, we went to our daughter's, and he helped her with some appliance issue. He was and continues to be a very hands-on, wonderful dad. When our daughter was small, he'd put socks on his ears and crawl around playing "bull" with her or making her little plastic characters talk.
He's as loyal as the day is long, AND he puts the toilet seat down for me every time. Not only that, but he makes my iced tea for me and always thanks me for making his dinner -- even calls me after lunch to thank me for making his lunch -- every day for 23 years.
Oh, and another thing that I love is that whenever I'm watching a show or a movie where something terribly sad has happened, I can count on seeing a little moisture in his eyes, too. I love a man with a tender side!
What a wonderful post, Sarah. I've enjoyed hearing about the men in everyone's life.
My husband, hmmm...well, he's complicated with a hard past. I've been with him forever - since I was thirteen. He's been my soul mate since that time, and I've never had another boyfriend. In fact, I've never kissed another man. Pretty unique in this day and age.
To describe him - he's extraordinarily good-looking. He's just under six foot, almost model-fitness, with dark brown hair and lovely light green eyes. I love his rock solid jaw, his very masculine hands and his chest. He's definitely the looker out of the two of us. Sometimes I catch other women looking at him, then looking at me, and I can see the question in their eyes. How'd she do it? LOL.
My husband is often infuriating. He's the epitomy of an alpha male which causes lots of conflict at times. All that damn patronizing. But he's also incredibly calm, intelligent and funny. He's blustery and talks a big game, but his heart is so tender. He always does the right thing and the man can fix anything. His attention to detail is incredible.
He's so my real life hero. My favorite time is lying in bed next to him every night. He watches some music biography thing on TV and I read. We lap our legs over each other's leg and just having his warmth next to me is the best feeling in the world.
Thanks, Sarah, for letting me vocalize why I'm so in love with my guy. Maybe I'll cook him dinner tonight :)
What a lovely post and wonderful comments as well.
My hubby is definitely my hero. We were high school sweethearts. He's the most generous man I've ever met and I have women tell me all the time how cute he is. If it weren't for his addiction to the Speed Channel...don't get me started.
But, to be honest, his very best quality is the way he makes me feel about myself. He's always been my staunchest supporter. What woman could resist that?
Deb
What a fun post, Sarah!
I'm very lucky that my son is just like my husband so I get to have two amazing, handsome, caring men in my life *g* I'm currently counting the days until my son comes home for Easter break from college! Can't wait :-)
Sarah, men, something we never tire of talking about—look how wordy we got over the subject.
My hubby isn't my high school sweetheart. We didn't meet until ten years later. What I like best about him is me—or that I chose well. I lamented the lack of a man for a long time and then one day I realized I was fine all by myself. It wasn't long after that I met my swashbuckler. I didn't need him but I wanted him in my life for many of the romance novel reasons and a few more.
Interestingly, he’s not tall nor blond (what I thought I preferred). He did have the right stuff to interest me—an award winning athlete with 85% cocoa colored hair, a voice that every hero should have, and a pretty face—I had done enough pretty faces to know that wasn’t where it’s at, but I didn’t hold it against him. He has a decidedly bent sense of humor as do I, so we giggle most nights and is oh so capable of holding long and remarkable conversations.
While I expected some of the qualities I chose him for to fade, he’s still an award winning athlete, the extra dark chocolate hair is from Clairol and—well the rest is still there.
I've been married for twenty years. He is my best friend. He keeps me laughing and never a dull moment.
One of the first things I liked about my husband, when we first met, was that he laughed out loud at movies and tv. He's a pretty quiet guy, but with a great sense of humor.
We've been married almost 13 years now and have been through a lot together. There's no one I'd rather have at my side. We've got 5 kids. He's got endless patience for them and for me. We just work well together.
He's not a hearts and flowers kind of guy, but I've never really wanted that. He surprise me with chocolate now and then, and for Valentines Day he bought me a facebook $ card, because he knows I obsess about stupid games, but would be far to cheap to get it for myself. He pays attention. :)
Right now, most of my immediate family are men so I get lots of great giggles watching them. I can keep my stuff to myself by making sure it's pink- pink socks, pink scissors, etc. My heart melts when one of my teen-agers hugs me. Also melty when I share an old joke with my husband. My husband is a rock when the chips are down. He's often preoccupied but if I say listen up this matters, he's right there. And what infuriates you? Too many things here to begin!
Hi Sarah, I loved your blog.It's so true that it's the little things that stand out more than anything else. My husband and I have been 'mostly' happily married for 27 years now and looking back I'd have to say his way of always cheering me up, making me laugh no matter how bad the situation,and supporting me in my dreams are what I most love about him.
We've been married over 53 yrs.....he is still handsome (doctor's record says looks 50) at 75!
A kind, loving person, too!
Sarah, you always have such great insights. I can see now why you write such great male characters.
Having been in the military surrounded by men, married to one, given birth to three of them, I kind of just hope I've learned something along the way.
Though I think we still write men from and for a woman's prespective. Have you ever read a femail character written by a man and wondered what was he thinking? I wonder if men ever read our books and think the same thing?
Hi Claudi - Boyfriends definitely count! I should have called it significant other instead of husband - as a newly wed, I have had a boyfriend for 18 years so I know it's no less of a bond or commitment. Like you, it's the playful part of my man that only I see that makes me love him so (as well as all the other stuff). That he trusts me enough to be silly and sometimes embarrass himself is an honor and a privilege .
Hey there JV - I love that your husband thanks you for dinner every night and rings you to thank you for lunch. How beautiful. There are so many good men out there, aren't there? It drives me crazy when I hear men being slagged off in the media because of one small demographic or set of behavariours (deadbeat dads, for eg), when I know there are lovely, low-key, everyday guys out there who never get acknowledged.
Liz - I'm here to tell you that you're somewhat of a hottie yourself, Ms Talley. I don't think your guy was slumming it when he picked you at all! I can hear your affection in the way you describe him - even the frustrating bits. My man is a bit of a smartass at times, too - and he loves to win an argument. No matter what, take no prisoners. I have learned to bow out gracefully and then circumnavigate the issue in some sneaky, feminine way. We do the leg over leg thing, too, which is pretty funny since I'm 5'2" and he's 6'1". I'm a big fan of spooning. Although, as my man says, "spooning leads to forking!"
Hi Deb - I think a man who sees you and loves you and wants the best for you is pretty intoxicating. I think a lot of the stories we're seeing today are all about the important people in our lives caring about us and showing it through actions, when you boil it down. All those things make us feel loved.
Hi Beth - Like father like son, eh? How nice to be able to enjoy two wonderful men in your life. Hope your Easter break together is great!
Hi Mary - I love that you didn't hold his pretty face against him (which reminds me of that song "if I told you you have a beautiful body would you hold it against me?"!!!!) And having the nous to choose the great guy deserves some credit. Apparently we all have great taste! (as do they, by the way!)
Hi runner10 - my man is my best friend, too. He's the only person I can tolerate spending so much time with (which probably says lots of things about how cranky I am!). He's pushed me to be a better, more adventurous person in so many ways.
Carin - a man with a great laugh is an awesome thing. When my man is tickled unexpectedly, he has this great, cracking guffaw. Almost incredulous, as though he can't believe he's just heard what he's heard. And when he's indulging the more childish side of his sense of humour, he giggles. Like a little boy. God, it makes me laugh. Hope you're enjoying those facebook games! Have you discovered multieight yet? It's not on facebook, but it's on the web and my hubby is addicted.
Hi Laura - How cool that your hubby knows when to tune in and step up when you need him to, and that you guys have a relationship where you understand that he needs a heads up sometimes - it's great that you know these things about each other. I am dreading the day when my nephews no longer want to hug their aunt. I hope it never comes!
Jacquie - I realised not so long ago that life is made up of more little moments than big ones, and that it's the small, satisfying, warm, caring little things that make us feel loved and cherished, as opposed to some big old blow out grand gesture. I try to savor the small moments now. And I'm getting from all of us that one of the big things we all love about our men is their ability to make us laugh.
Jackie S - 50 at 75! I want some of what he's having! 53 years is a fantastic achievement, Jackie. I think kindness goes a long way in a man. It's often overlooked, because we women are supposed to be the nurturing ones, but a kind man is a good man and a great partner, I think.
Hi Rogenna - LOL on the women writing men thing. While I always try to give my heroes some realistic manly qualities - the gruffness, the occasional inarticulate-ness (that's a word, right?), the refusal to show any emotion that could be construed as weakness - and I also try to keep their dialogue as real as possible, the fact remains that romance novel men are often more vocal/verbal about their feelings than real men. That's definitely where the fantasy element of romance kicks in!
Fab post, Sarah, and such lovely comments. I'm smiling as I read them, all that love and affection radiating from the page.
My man doesn't look the hero type, apart from his blue eyes and lovely strong arms. He has multiple health problems, is slow moving, slow thinking, and slow to change. At times he infuriates me so much I could scream (and occasionally do!). But he's my anchor, he keeps me balanced and stops me flying off on a flight of fancy. He cares for me more than anyone in my life ever has, and shows that in a hundred little kind and thoughtful ways. He makes he laugh, all the time, except for the times he makes me wonder if I'd get away with justifiable homicide.
When we were dating and first married our relationship was volatile, and we almost broke up too many times to count. But I kept going back because I had the strongest sense we're meant to be together, that he's the man I need to learn my life lessons with.
I was right. I'm still right.
Autumn - oh, you made me cry. What a lovely Ode! It has been lovely reading everybody's comments, I agree. Thanks for sharing, and congrats on hanging in there through the fiery years to get to the more contented ones.
Would love to win your book BUT there is no man in my life;)
Wonderful post, Sarah! Folks, I've met her man and he is GORGEOUS! I've never seen him goofy but I can imagine. My man is my rock. I'd be lost without him. He can fix or build anything, has the most analytical mind I've ever met and he'll watch chick flicks with me even though I refuse to watch war movies with him. One of his most endearing qualities is that he loves to smell the flowers - literally. Show him a scented flower and his nose will be stuck into it and he'll be in raptures, lol. One of the things I think men don't get enough credit for is how they shoulder responsibility. Even in this day of equality between men and women (well, almost) I think men feel the burden of financial responsibility more. The way my man cares, worries and plans for the day-to-day wellbeing and future of me and our children just makes my heart melt. It's better than flowers. Although I get those too. :)
Hi Ellen - You don't have to have one to appreciate them, in all their shapes and forms, be they brother, father, boyfriend, husband, son, nephew....
Hi Joan - Ta for confirming my opinion of my man is not just bias! Would it be too creepy for me to point out that your man is no slouch in the looks department, either? (hee hee, this reminds me of a card and present I got from one of my Kiwi friends. She gave me this trivet called Hot Man - it's a little metal man who is lying down with his arms up to accept the hot thing - and she wrote in my card "I know you already have a hot man (with respect) but it never hurts to have a spare." To this day, that "with respect" cracks me up. On a more serious note. I totally agree with you about the financial, bread winner thing that men have. I think a lot of us women don't understand how hardwired that stuff is into them.
My husband and I have been together 20 years - married for 16 years. He is a morning person and I am a night owl. This works out very well for us. When we were dating , we would watch Looney Tunes cartoons and he would recite all the dialog as the characters would speak. I thought it was so cute and I knew he was the man for me. He channels flips to my annoyance, does not like to read, but he will call me when he hears my favorite song on the radio and put the phone up to the speaker. He is silly and funny, a great father, a hard worker and a sweet and loving man
My husband is my beta hero. He's tall, dark and handsome :) He has some gray in his hair and his mustache. We'll be married 25 yrs in October. We were together for 4 yrs before that. He's got a weird sense of humor and is pretty goofy at times. I'll hear him talking and think someone is there, but when I check he's holding a coversation with the dogs or the cat or the duck! when our guinea pig was alive, you'd hear him lecturing her about the starving guinea pigs in Ethiopia because she wouldn't eat a piece of carot he cut for her.
He's the guy to partner you in trivial pursuit. He loves the old cartoons and watches whenever he can. He's not afraid of loving and hugging men or women. He's a great example to our son who is 16 1/2 and will hug me and tell me he loves me in front of his school friends.
I'm gone during the week because my job is on another island. He and my son end up with the house to themselves. They've learned to forget some of their manners while I'm gone and it carries over when I come home. They have these conversations on farting, on how sumo wrestlers might have to use the toilet and other goofy things.
I just hate it when he leaves the toilet seat up. Sometimes I have to pee in the middle of the night and I don't turn the lights on!!! When the toilet seat is up and I practically fall in, I wake him up!!
He is my best friend and a great dad. I love him lots :).
Hi Tammy - How cute and funny is your guy? I love the cartoon dialogue and him calling you because your favorite song is on. Men can be very sweet, can't they?
Hi Snookie - Another great Ode to a husband! The guinea pig lecture sounds hilarious, and I have to admit I had a small hours of the morning toilet seat experience recently. Unpleasant is the best word I can find to describe it. Not sure what happened there - he's usually very good! Is it wrong to admit to curiosity about the sumo wrestling toilet conversation? (she says, showing her own puerile sense of humor!)
Reading through the posts it seems that all the good ones are taken. (I sent mine back - not what I ordered at all.) My father however is a Gentleman. He would have made a great Knight. He would have used his rapier wit to cut any offenders to shreds.
The only man in my life is my adorable, shy but mischievous cat.
Sarah,
Congrats on being a newly wed! May the love and happiness you've had for the last 18 years only get better and better.
And I must tell you that I love that line:
Although, as my man says, "spooning leads to forking!" Very clever! I must share that with my hubby!
LOL Sarah, you'll have to come visit us :) It's not hard to get him started up! The toilet seat doesn't happen very often either but when it does, it's not pleasant!!!
Sarah, looks like a great anthology. All my love's just gone finishing a deadline. That my beloved doesn't mind is one of the nicest things about him.
Karina
hi Marybelle - I'm sure there are still some good ones out there! I think it would be wonderful to have a witty father - mine is very loving, but he's more of a laugher than a joke maker, if you know what I mean.
Kirsten - I bet that cat still does boy stuff! i think it must be in the cat's job description to be mischievous. I often wonder what goes on in their heads as they stalk their way through the garden or the house. Are they playing jungles all the time?
JV - Yes, it's a funny line, isn't it? My other favourite of his is "she's hotter than a bike seat in summer".
Snookie - good to hear. Those kinds of experiences should be few and far between. i'm happy to not feel the touch of cold porcelain for quite some time...
Karina - yay on you and your deadline. Wish I could say the same. Stoopid book (stoopid me, more like, but it's hard to tell where one ends and the other begins at the moment!)
Haven't found mine yet, but reading all these great posts gives me more hope that there are great guys out there!
Hi Di - I know there are. Hang in there!
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