My son turned five this weekend. Five! Tell me, where have those years gone? Because I remember when I first felt him move in my stomach and that was YESTERDAY!
But anyway he's turning five and I am at his school to bring a birthday snack to his kindergarten class. Some fruit and cheese. There are three kids in his class with terrible allergies so no one fools around with cake. So, instead of a cake, I am attempting to poke candles in a PINEAPPLE. (A flaming Pineapple, I'm trying to make it a tradition). At the same time I am terribly behind on a deadline which, of course, is all I can think about. And the fact that I am both behind and it's not going well, has me feeling panicked like you would not believe. I have a family dinner party I need to get ready for (the in-laws, so, you know, that will be great!) I've somehow hurt my foot - that will teach me to try and exercise. My daughter has found the water table in the classroom and has crawled INSIDE. While there is water in it! And these candles will not stay where they are supposed to!
A mom comes over to help me try and poke these candles in the pineapple and she says with nothing but kindness in heart - "I don't know how you do it." I nearly started to cry. Because there are a lot of days I feel like in trying to do everything - I'm failing at all of it.
If I'm not yelling at my kids, I'm freaking out about my books. And feeling guilty about everything.
And I know everyone here can commiserate about some of this. At some point in her life, every woman stretches herself too thin. It's a law somewhere - and today I want to hear about it. I want to hear about how you're baking cupcakes at four in the morning or waking up at dawn to write a few words before going off to the job that pays bills. I want to hear about taking babies to important meetings or falling asleep while folding laundry. Because I know we've all been there.
The happy end of this sad day in my life is my son, sweet Mick, walked home after that kindergarten class, his gloved hand in mine and said "that was the best flaming pineapple ever, Mom."
Clearly, it's all worth it.
47 comments:
Great post Molly! I think everyone can relate trying to do it all and feeling like a failure.
I remember being in the grocery store when my kids were little and yelling at my son for turning on the coffee bean grinder. While his brother's hand was in it! On the next aisle, I was feeling horrible for being "that grocery store mom," when a lady from church saw me. "Your children are always so sweet and well behaved. You must be a saint."
HA!
Keep up the writing,
Kristin Noel
Hi, Molly! Children of all ages will be fascinated by "the pineapple of fire"--I'd like to see that, myself! The best way to tackle the whole big overwhelming picture is to whittle away at the smaller issues. Do what you can, when you can. That way, when it comes time to handle the larger issues, they are much smaller than they seemed at first : )
Years ago, I was hyper-organized, working full-time, caring for an aging parent and numerous rescue animals. I was an "administrative assistant" in a mostly male work environment, and tried my best to be professional in my manner and my appearance. That all changed one day when I went to work and was promptly told by my male coworkers that my shoes didn't match! They were the same style and model number of shoe, but one was black and one was blue. Efficient to the core, if I spotted a good buy in shoes or clothing, I bought it in more than one color. For a long time after that fateful two-toned day, I was know at work as "Miss Match"! I laughed along with everyone else and learned a valuable lesson or two. Don't sweat the small stuff. Take care of the most important things first. Everything else will fall in place. Give yourself a break now and then. If you laugh, you'll live : )
Kristin! His hand was IN the grinder? Oh, man. That's funny. I do that all the time - freak out (and the coffee grinder thing deserved a freak out!) and then feel bad. "The grocery store mom" feeling is one I know well. Thanks for sharing.
Virginia~ Miss Match - see, it doesn't matter what you do, the one time you slip - that's what haunts you. And you're TOTALLY right - if you laugh, you'll live. That's the best way to look at it!
Preaching to the choir, sister.
Mine are 8 and 11 and my life no longer revolves around preschool and playdates - it's practice - baseball, swimteam, basketball, football and whatever else they can dream up to do. I meet myself coming and going. Last month, I had two with the flu, my brother's wedding, and we'd just moved. Plus I had a Feb 1st deadline. I wrote 50,000 words in the month of January. And when I got to the end, I couldn't figure out what was supposed to happen. I was frantic for days. Sound familiar?
But then I took a two day break. Went for a walk with the family. Cooked dinner. Had a glass of vino. And a beer. And sat down and the words flowed.
Sometimes you need a little break to let your mind recouperate.
And a flaming pineapple! Wow! Impressive. Can't believe you can't send cupcakes. That's insane.
Know that you are not alone...we all suck at trying to be everything to everyone. So plug in some Pink and know you're not bleeping perfect. LOL.
A very timely post, Molly. I'm struggling to squeeze in writing time at the moment with sick kids, appointments, and all the other stuff that needs to be done. I feel like I'm doing it all badly. Maybe I need to try Liz's solution: a couple of days off and a nice glass of wine!
Congratulations on being Mommy to a five-year-old. The time flies.
Molly, we've probably all been there, done that will less panache, and some of us even written a book on all the times we can look back on with a smile. Boy do I feel old. I remember when my grandchildren turned five and I thought that couldn't possibly be right. Days, weeks, months, years pass quickly. Those experiences with your son will be more important in the end than anything else you ever do in your life. Hey, listen to me getting philosophical on a Wednesday morning.
Molly, I SO remember those days! Never enough time to do everything that needed to get done, never enough time to be able to lose myself in whatever book I was writing. You do the best you can. A glass of wine every once in a while helps. So does a sense of humor. And before you know it, the little kids are off to college and adulthood. Enjoy the moments. And use them in your writing!
Oh, Molly, LOL! A flaming pineapple tradition—kids need more mom’s like you looking out for them.
I get to say I've moved on from sewing a Robin Hood costume in the lonely darkness of late night and dashing to school before morning break with newly frosted cupcakes (see how much older my son is than yours) because “I promised, Mommy.”
The crises never stop, but the older they get, the more they get to solve their own or at least help with the resolution.
Thanks for a great day starter.
Molly,
Hello SuperMom! The flaming pineapple is a keeper- maybe bore holes in it with a corkscrew next time. A fond memory from when my kids were in preschool- In an early morning meeting, I reach for a pen and find dried milk coating the purse pocket with my work supplies. No idea how that got there. Lucky for me, the milk was already all dry.
Maybe it helps to remember 'You're gonna miss these days...'
What a fun party for your son....hope all enjoyed it!!!! You sound like a great Mom.
Alas, Molly, this time in your life may feel unweildy at the moment, but some time soon it will "the good ol' days."
Heartfelt post--like your writing.
My suggestion: treat yourself to a babysitter and soak in a nice hot tub of bubbles. The writer in you needs a little pampering.
Hugs,
Deb
Kids with allergies, that would be mine. He's 8 now and keeps a stash of Nilla Wafers in the classroom cupboard for all those questionable cupcakes. I've been the one having a tantrum in the grocery store because it's easier to find glluten free hamburger buns than some without sesame. But like all of parenting it gets easier with time and experience. I am hoping the same goes for writing.
With parenting and writing (and pretty much life)it definately gets easier when you realize you're not alone.
By the way, I love your books. Can't wait to get my copy of HIS WIFE FOR ONE NIGHT. I was last weeks winner.
Kristina - I just sent it out in the mail! Three kids in my son's class wear epi pens because of nut allergies. Thinking of hurting one of those kids unintentionally - gave me nightmares. I can't imagine how stressful it must be.
Ah Deb - I'm minutes ahead of you I just booked a babysitter for Monday mornings with my baby. Momma's gotta write! (and take that yoga class....)
It already feels like the good ol days to some extent - hence the guilt.
Ah yes - the spilt milk, much like the dried baby barf on our shoulders. I particularly like it when my husband would walk around all day not realizing he was covered in baby barf. And Laura - thanks for the corkscrew idea - next year, for sure.
Hey Jackie - thanks for stopping by! And I will tattoo your compliment on the back of my hand to remind me!!!
Mary! The costume years are terrifying to me - I can't sew. I don't want to sew. I think I will throw money at that particular problem...or hope my mom gets in on the action. I look forward to the problem solving my kids will do. Mick has started to pour his own juice and I almost threw a party!
Liz - my sister in law got me a giant wine glass for christmas with the words "mommy's sippy cup" on it. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry!
Congrats on your 50,000 word month! WOW!! You deserve a drink or ten!
Roz, I'll listen to you get philosophical any morning of the week. You too, Margaret. It's nice to have such writing mom role models. Thanks!
Molly, your son's comment about the 'flaming pineapple' is gorgeous--a memory to hold onto in the tough times. A pineapple with candles was an awesome creative solution to the allergy problem. Your creativity will help to carry you through these hectic times.
"that was the best flaming pineapple ever, Mom."
Awww!! What a sweetheart *g* Hope he had a fabulous birthday!
There are days when I feel stretched to the limit which is weird since my kids are all teens and one attends college 600 miles away! But he still somehow finds ways to 'need' me to do things for him. Which I don't mind as it's his first year away, but after this summer he'll have to figure things out on his own :-)
Like Liz, most of my time is just spent running to practices or games/meets or to friends' houses or chaperoning when the boyfriend comes over *g*
Hi Molly,
Is it awful if I say I'm a tiny bit glad you're stretched so thin because this story made me laugh out loud? :-)
Also? You're doing the mom thing exactly right. No one has treasured family stories about The Day Everything Went Well. We need the drama and the laughter to make the memories. When your family tells the Flaming Pineapple story, the important part will be that you were there...working very hard to give your kid a sweet birthday celebration.
Your son sounds like both a perfect gentleman and a guy who knows how to enjoy a party. Way to go, Mom!
P.S. When my kids were really little and I was totally frazzled, my mom sent me a Christmas gift of beneficial insects for our garden. (Thanks, Mom!) They were in pods or cocoons or whatever and came with precise instructions about when and how they should be released into the garden. I left them on the counter in the kitchen and forgot about them until the praying mantis eggs hatched. Surprise!
Praying mantis babies are actually quite cute, but not when there are hundreds of them all over the kitchen. I strapped the baby in the backpack, told my toddler not to step on the bugs, and started catching them to carry out to the yard. After about six hundred trips back and forth, I'd gotten them all outside and I took the kids out to observe them. Impromptu science!
Unfortunately, I'd released the baby bugs right on top of an ant hill. The ants were catching them and dragging them underground to eat. I did what I could to stop the carnage, but it wasn't pretty.
So basically, I was a bad housekeeper, a bad daughter, a bad steward of the earth, and a bad science teacher all in one afternoon. (But I kept the Christmas ornament that came with the bugs and we tell this story every year when it comes out.) ;-)
Wow! A Flaming Pineapple Impressive Creative Neat!
I know all about the allergy thing as one great nephew is lactose intolerant (no cheese for him and he brings his own treats for school celebrations) and a niece and her daughter need gluten free foods (no cupcakes for them unless they are from a specialty bakery or homemade from a gluten free mix). So things at my sister's place are labeled for such and such a person. Do not use unless you ask how! My niece has a toaster and stuff just for her& one daughter and the rest of the family have a different colored toaster. Lots of adjustments have to be made. Add in a couple of vegetarians and meals are complicated.
There are usually 21 of us for family parties. All of us down to the youngest grandkid knows how to ask which buns are for us nonna? What margarine can I use? Are these veggie dogs? All gravy is now gluten free. Complicated picture.
Hi Molly - What a cute story and I love the flaming pineapple. I have a 12 year old now, but as a Girl Scout leader for 7 years and a Room Mom during her 2nd, 3rd and 5th grades, I have encountered many allergies. Mainly peanuts and gluten. It makes snacks even trickier. And nothing ever went right at any of her school parties. (but that's part of the fun)
Molly, I feel your pain, but OMG wait for the teenage years! And those precious moments with them as they're growing (the flaming pineapple comment) really does make it easier to accept all that is going on in your life that brings you down. Those are the pick me ups that keep you going. Keep smiling!
Molly, hang in there, sweetie. Easier said than done, I know. I just finished with a killer deadline last week - the kind that had me up at 3 in morning and at my computer working because I couldn't sleep.
You'll never regret going above and beyond for your little ones - before you know it, 5 turns into 10. 10 into freaking 22!!!
Molly,
Hugs! I feel your pain. Really, I feel you pain - time crunch with deadlines is chomping at the back of my neck. And then neighbors came over and I blew the afternoon so I stayed up late to write. I could feel myself actually dozing off AT THE COMPUTER. I gave it up and went to bed. Now I worry if what I wrote is pure crap. Panic-big time!
Am I the only one who doesn't know what a water table is?
Mick is my kind of guy. Happy Birthday, Mick!
Linda
I've got news for you: it never ends. They grow up, you still do things for them, they get married, you still do things for them, and then the cycle continues with grandchildren. Lord help us all!
I too can relate. I have worked from home since my children arrived. Sleep is an elusive "dream", LOL! Sanity is a thing of the past! But love lasts a lifetime. Hang in there, Molly! You can do it!
I hear you, Molly :) I've been sick this past week and all I can think about is I don't have time for this.
Oh my. Makes me exhausted to read about it. I am in perpetual awe of how women with kids manage it all! Sadly, we couldn't have children, and it's the biggest regret of my life. But between work, commute, housework, time with my honey, making time to write, I can't see how I would stay sane with a baby added to the mix too.
Looooove the flaming pineapple story!
Molly, your post puts it in a nutshell! We've all been there and still managed it in the end. Sometimes, people tell me how patient I am with my kids and I'm always thinking if they'd only know... :) I hate it when I'm stressed out and yell at my kids. I've come to a point where I just let things sometimes be (like household stuff)and don't care if they are done or not as long as it's nothing important. At first, I felt bad about it because it was not "perfect" in my opinion but I've realized not everything has to be perfect! And funny thing, hubs is less stressed as well because I'm less stressed.
Good luck with your latest book!
Oh! Ellen - an ant hill? Beneficial bugs for a garden? I don't know what's funnier - that was great. And I too laughed out loud at your pain. Thanks for that!!!
Thanks Claudia - and I have to remember to stop worrying about the dishes and play with my kids - because really, who cares about dishes?
Autumn - sanity is really only something I've heard about in folk lore...and women fill thier lives, no matter what.
Oh Rogenna - I remember when i used to like getting sick. An excuse to lie around in bed all day reading romance novels? perfection. now, I have to fight through it. Hope you feel better.
Laney4 - sleep...sweet sleep. For Valentine's Day my husband wanted to sleep alone in his bed. No me. No kids. Just him and all the covers and no leaky diapers or feet in his face. That's romance.
Linda - Napping at the computer - I think you're on to something... that would save time...
Helen I've said it once, I'll say it again - there is no way you have a 22 year old. You and Beth both, you look like 22 year olds!! Glad you survived the deadline! Have a drink and a nap.
Snookie - there will be no teenage years at my house, I have made a deal with the devil. He assured me.
Hey Tammy - a girl scout leader - good for you. I have such fond memories of mine.
Molly, there are days when being a writer is the hardest job in the world simply because you can never leave your brain behind.
But you're only temporarily stuck with a book and you're permanently stuck with your kids so its more important to concentrate on getting them right :) And it's easier to life with a writer's guilt than a mother's guilt.
I anxiously await the answer to the question. What is a water table?
Karina
You know I think writing and parenting are a lot a like in someways - both can totally consume you and fill up your day.
A water table is like a portable sandbox that they fill with water - like a mini bathtub on wheels, which is why Lucy climbed in!!
Molly, the flaming pineapple sounds pretty awesome!
When my son was in 4th or 5th grade his class was studying Mexican culture. The teacher asked for volunteers to send in Mexican foods for a holiday feast (it was the week before Christmas). I signed up to send in what I thought was 50 tortillas. (I learned to read more carefully!)
The day before the feast I discovered I was supposed to bring in 50 tamales! I had never made tamales so my son and I searched for a recipe, masa, corn husks and other ingredients. We worked late into the night but got the tamales done.
After school the next day my son told me most of the tamales weren't even eaten. The kids wanted sweet treats! My son and I did have a fun time making the tamales though.
I have no stories to tell since I don't have kids.
Have to say - a flaming pineapple? Way to go!
At least you didn't feed ants with a praying mantis! I thought it was superstitious to kill those too.
Great story - thanks for sharing and I have faith you will make it through anything - you have a good attitude about it.
I have four children, who went to a three room school. My children always volunteered me to be room mother in all three rooms----talk about stress.
Gosh, I thought I posted here already but my comment must have been eaten by blogger .
Molly, I think anyone with kids has been there!! It's crazy the things I find myself doing - like the other night I went to bed at 12.45am after baking apple pie for a party the next day, making a kinght's helmet out of cardboard and hunting for a 'must have' piece of lego for a truck.
But the smiles and hugs I get in return make every moment worthwhile.
Anita - I can never remember where my car keys are but I ALWAYS know where those lego pieces are. So strange.
Four children, Estella? You are a braver woman than I.
Ha! Marcie - as bad as it gets I will always be able to say (thanks to Ellen) at least I didn't have a praying mantis massacre!!
The low point for me was probably the year my daughter was in 2nd grade. I was the president of the PTA at her school, and, unfortunately, the PTA was just about a one-person show that year. I had precious little help, and I was spending more hours a day at school than many of the teachers. (Even they said so!) On the morning of our Open House, my DH came down to the kitchen stark naked and said, "I am completely out of underwear!" (Normally he would give me a heads-up when he was down to one pair.) I said, "Have you checked the dryer?" He said, "Are we reduced to that -- dressing out of the dryer." I said, "Yes. Yes, we are." I got to school and had to call in more volunteers for the Book Fair because several didn't come in at the time they'd selected. At the end of the day, I was in a rush to get paperwork done because I had to go home and hem and press my dress before the PTA meeting at Open House, but, noooooo! The guy who had volunteered to pick up the restock books we'd ordered for the Book Fair that night decided he had something better to do, so I had to go to the book warehouse first, in the rain no less, to get the books -- and the road had been closed and detoured. Naturally! I got home with barely enough time to hem my dress and change but no time for a shower. I had to get my DH to pick up some fast food on the way home and meet us back at school. I said that if I made it through that day without having a stroke, I'd probably live forever because I'm sure my BP was sky high that day.
Yet, being involved at school allowed me to get to know the school and the routines and to develop a rapport with the teachers so that they knew to let me know if there was ever a problem of any kind and could trust that I'd be there to work on it with them. (There never was one.) My daughter appreciated my involvement and all the kids got to have programs that couldn't have been done on just the school's budget or with just school employees alone.
Just keep the goal in mind, Molly. You're right; before you know it, they're grown. My daughter is 21 now. And just to make you feel a little better about all the stress you're going through now just to be there and spend a little extra time with him, it's worth it. I like to think my being involved had something to do with my daughter's having grown up to be a National Merit Scholar and a very loving person. (And my husband gets credit, too, for working to support us so that I could stay home with her and for always putting his own needs last.)
A funnier memory was when she was in kindergarten, I was the room mother who was in charge of the Halloween party. I decorated with orange and black streamers and balloons. I made a pumpkin shaped cake, brought orange sherbet, made crispy rice treats that I cut with Halloween cookie cutters. I brought dry ice in a cooler and poured water over it to make the spooky mist and had funny Halloween songs like The Monster Mash. We read Halloween stories and I let them dip their own apples in melted caramel. After doing all that, one of the girls raised her hand and said to the teacher, "I thought we were going to have a party today. When's it going to start?"
I. Kid. You. Not.
I can remember grocery shopping & then after putting the kids in the car I drove off. Down the street I remembered the trolley full of groceries. Surprisingly it still sat in the parking lot when I returned.
marypres@gmail.com
What a really really fun post ! Very nice work !
Post a Comment